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Relationship Health Message Board

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[QUOTE=Dark Stranger;3983520]I know my attention is wandering because of the distance and because of the neglect; I guess I was wondering if this is normal under those circumstances. And I noticed all the guys whom I have had crushes on did possess traits my BF did not, like confidence or ambition or skill, or heck, sharing a common interest with me.[/QUOTE]

The impression I get is that you've been in this situation for a long time and have done nothing about it. Listen to what you're saying. Distance, neglect, nothing in common.... Yes it's normal for your attention to wander if you're not getting what you want out of a relationship - people subconsciously look for things that fill gaps emotionally. The question is what do you do about it. What future do you envisage there? You've said it's a long term relationship - they don't work.

Do you want to cheat or do you want to do something conclusive? You're having these crushes as you call them for a reason. You're not listening.

[QUOTE=Dark Stranger;3983520]The relationship hasn't much progressed because I've been in college. I met my BF a couple months before I started school, and I did ask him more than once if he wanted to do the unexclusive dating thing where we date other people, but he refused, saying he wanted to be true only to me. I thought that was sweet, but now I'm kind of wishing I would have talked him into agreeing to it so I could have gotten out a little more here.[/QUOTE]
Is this a serious relationship or not? Instead of trying to offload the responsbility onto a guy who wanted an exclusive relationship with you, consider that the relationship hasn't progressed because either you or he didn't want it to. And here you are wishing you could date other people. You can't mess people around. DO sort it out. If you want to be a free agent, let your BF go as people have previously advised you to do. Let him get on with his life, and get on with yours.

[QUOTE=Dark Stranger;3983520]I mean, I suppose I could have just done it anyway and went out with these guys, but it would have felt like cheating to me. Or is there some unwritten rule of dating that says you can date others if you just call it a friendly date?[/QUOTE]
Not that I've heard of. You can see friends yeah but not date people you want more than friendship from and cover it over as a "friendly date". Either you're dating or you're not. You need to stop making these excuses and do something about your situation. Make a choice.

[QUOTE=Dark Stranger;3983520]Okay, allow me to rephrase my original there any way to deal with a crush that does not involve me breaking up with my boyfriend? [/QUOTE]
Yes. Deal with the issues you have with your boyfriend once and for all, one way or another. Either develop a satisfying relationship with him so that you don't feel any attraction to anyone else, or accept that you don't want to be with him and end it and follow up on these various crushes.

[QUOTE=Dark Stranger;3983520]My current crush/friend has sent me mixed signals...a few weeks ago, he told me he wanted to ask me out, but couldn't because I wasn't single. And he doesn't really seem to act like he has any sort of feelings toward me that are beyond friendly when I hang out with him. So I'm not sure how to read his behavior and I don't want to feel like an idiot if I confess my feelings to him and find out he wasn't head over heels interested in the first place.[/QUOTE]
He told you he'd ask you out if you were single. Do the maths! He's probably not acting beyond friendly because he knows you're not single. Like Hollaatchaboy says, he could well want to see what you do about it - whether you play around, or whether you do something worthwhile. It sounds like he's been honest but has the integrity not to make a play for someone who is attached. Good on him. Have you ever considered that maybe you dispense mixed messages to others? You seem massively indecisive so I can't imagine that you would come across as certain with others.

You need to make a choice about your life, really. :dizzy:

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