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[QUOTE=T1986;3985753]It does make a difference to me... I am not 100% anti-porn... I get that guys like porn and I would assume that a good majority of men watch it, occasionally. It makes a HUGE difference to me if it is just a once in while thing vs. an obsession/addiction. I can handle the once in a while viewing but I can't help but wonder if he compares me to these girls/wants me to look/act like them, though he has never given me a reason to believe this.

I would never attempt to 'forbid' him to watch porn and at this point his porn watching habits are no reason for me to end things with him. It makes me feel a bit insecure when I really sit down and think about but it's not something that's gnawing at me. He does lots of things that 'bother' me some (nothing severe) and if I ended every relationship for some minor 'bother' I would be alone forever. For the majority our relationship is good. I just want to understand his interest in porn and decipher whether or not it is a threat to our relationship. I think my main issue stems from just feeling physically inadequate in comparison to these porn stars, which is really an issue with me, not him....[/QUOTE]


I think this stems from the differences in how men and women see love and romance. My ex boyfriend had a brother who got married while we were dating, and he told me that his brother had said about his lovely new bride, "...she's not that great..." but married her because she was there and it was time for for him to get married and she had similar religious and world views and would make a good mother and keep the house well. Wow, how romantic. Now, how many women would actually marry a guy who would say that out loud? "I don't think you're that great, but we're on the same page about certain things and you'd raise the kids the way I want them raised, and I don't have the time or energy to keep looking for someone better." Would you marry someone who you knew felt that way about you? I didn't think so. But I think the number of men who actually do feel that luke warm about their new wives is a lot higher than we want to believe. My boyfriend or his family were not that unique or unusual, except perhaps in their honesty. Most men wouldn't admit that's how they really feel about the woman they just married. My boyfriend himself used to gawk at other women in front of me all the time and he told me flat out once it was because they were prettier than me, and when we were going through a rocky patch, he told me flat out that part of the reason he thought he might want to stick it out with me was because he didn't have the time or energy to keep looking, and thought most REALLY great women were "out of his league." Now this goes a little beyond what's acceptable and I was stupid not to have left him right then and there, but my point is, men just don't love like we do. It's a pro and con list, very logical and practical for them, not all trumpets and flowers and little hearts swirling around their head. I complained once that he didn't seem to think I was special, the prettiest girl around, that basically he had the best deal in the room, and he said "iI don't play those games," suggesting that most men just don't think that way, and men who do say things like "she's the most beautiful woman in the world" are playing games.

I think, like that Whitney Houston/Chaka Kahn song, "I'm Every Woman," we all want to feel like we're all women, every woman in the world, to our man. That's why we turn to mush at love songs like "You're Every Woman In the world To Me" and "She's Every Woman" and when we here men talking about their spouses and they say "she's the most beautiful woman in the world." I don't think it's insecurity that makes you want to feel that from your man and know that that's not how he feels about you. It's just perhaps not very realistic. That kind of soul mate, "you're the only person in the world for me" kind of love happens, but not every day and not to everyone. I think it may be unrealistic to hope for that kind of love from your man. He does think these women are hotter than you, and he has fun fantasizing about sleeping with them, that's why he spends so much time doing it, because it's fun and he enjoys it. But that doesn't necessarily mean he would run off with one if he had the chance. There are more pros than cons on his "T" list. It's just how men love. They just don't love in that mushy, "you're everything in the world to me, I don't even see anyone else" way we would like them to. But it doesn't mean you're not important to him, in his way.

I don't think insecurity is your main problem, perhaps you just need a more realistic view of love and modern romance.





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