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Need help
May 18, 2009
I have been bugging my friends to an extent that they've started avoiding me ( I think so ) Erm... I'm hoping someone would take out the time to read this & help me :

I'm a 20 year old girl. I started dating this guy ( when I was 16 ) I had met online ( yea, I dont know why ) after being friends for like 2-3 months or so ( During which I saw him deal with a few girls who said they were prob pregnant cuz of him which he obviously refuted in front of me & tried to make me believe that he was actually a virgin ). He was everything I should've stayed away from - A party animal, a show off, crazy about girls, etc etc. But - I still got with him. He told me about his ex who had left him cuz she had to do her graduation in another state & even showed me some texts from some number which said " I promise to get back with you after 5 years. Love you ". But, he made it quite clear that he was actually happy that this girlfriend ( of 9 months ) had gone away.

Anyways, so, we started off. There were many times he found my phone busy at night ( I was talking to friends ) & then, he regularly started checking up on my account - asking me how I know this / that person. It did bug me but, I gave him all the explanations he ever asked for. Then, one day, he turns around & tells me " I don't want you talking to ANY guy & I want you to shut down your account as well. " That was quite weird cuz I had friends I had known since we were kids & I am not the kind of person who keeps many friends so, obviously these few friends that I had were very close & few of them were boys. He wanted me to get away from ALL of em - not just boys but, even girls !! So - I started distancing myself from him - cuz this behavior was just unacceptable.
But, it was bad - he started lurking around outside my house & if I didn't pick up my cell when he called, he left messages threatening to tell my parents about us. Now - I have the kind of parents who only accept guys as friends - nothing else. If they would've come to know that I had a boyfriend - they would've KILLED me ( literally ) !

Anyhow so, I had no other option & one day, when he wanted to meet me & I didn't - he threatened me so, I went. I would spare the details & tell you what happened that day - He raped me. He forced himself on me. And I couldn't do anything. Nothing. And when he was done - I was crying, in pain & all I did was beg - for him to not leave me. He always knew that I was going to lose my virginity only to my husband that is, whenever when I got married. I was devastated - I couldn't tell my parents, the police - No one. I had one close guy friend ( who had warned me about my boyfriend when I got with him as he had been chasing his friend for a while. He had said that your guy is famous as a loose character. ) Yea - So, I called him & he was furious but, obviously, nothing could be done. I could NOT tell the police nor my parents. I thought for days, days while my boyfriend was constantly contacting me - apologizing & crying cuz ' He was a rapist '.
I finally reached the conclusion that I was going to stay with this guy cuz he had my virginity. And I think, he also knew that I was going to stay with him cuz he had my virginity. So, we got back, tried to behave normal. But, after maybe 2-3 weeks, he started getting horny again - and on MY birthday - he gave himself a gift - by doing me. After that, I did EVERYTHING he asked me to cuz I feared losing him - I cut off contact with all my friends just as he wanted, gave him the passwords to all my accounts. It was only after 1 month of all this that I realized that if he expected this of me - he should be doing the same.
But, obviously, he didn't - never changed his cell number ( though he got mine changed ) but, kept telling me that he wasn't in contact with any girl. But, one day randomly - I asked him to open his account ( whose password he never gave to me even though he had mine ) and I saw mails - he telling this girl how he loved her, how she was the only friend he ever had. I felt like I was stabbed. But, he gave me some weird reasons which I don't know why - believed. After that, we both shut our accounts to avoid problems like these.

After we had been together for 2 years or so - Fb came up. And by then, he had already made it clear to me that he wanted to be the biggest party animal the world would ever know. He convinced me to let him make an account on Fb to make a ' friend list ' that would serve as his guest list. I completely trusted him by then, so, I let him. He wanted me to make an account there too but, I refused. It was okay with me.
And then, randomly - just to give him a surprise, I made an account on Fb. When I saw his profile - I was shocked - there were more than 400 people on his list - mostly half naked girls. And his wall was full of " Love you's & Miss you's & call me's ". I called his mum ( who knew about us & btw, he didn't have a dad - he died when my guy was 15 ). She said she had no idea about all this & asked me to wait till he woke up. Things remained heated for a day or two - but, I was convinced by them that this was done just to attract people to his parties. So, I made an a/c on Fb & he removed all these people from his list. What I didn't realize was that most of the ' school friends ' he had kept on his a/c were actually random girls he had chatted up with. I found out that too. I also found porn on his p.c. regularly which he blamed on his younger brother but, I knew it was him & I obviously felt very insulted - I felt like he might be viewing my body the same way as those porn stars - no respect. And things were just getting on my nerves. But, I always let him fix these things - I had to stay with him - He had my virginity.

Surprisingly, he never seemed to mind my a/c on Fb - A number of long lost friends & acquaintances began to contact me. It was like he completely trusted me ( But, I obv didn't ). Except for a few guys, he never bothered - Whenever I asked him if there was something he'd wanna know / see - he said he trusted me. And I was on cloud nine. In reality also - I was doing nothing. I limited all these long lost people to Fb only - whenever someone asked for my number / meet up or something - I blocked em.
And while I thought things were getting back on track - My guy was busy flirting with chicks in his inbox ( since its not necessary to add a person to your friend list to exchange messages ). He never gave me his password. And when I asked him to show me his account - He behaved weird. But, there were times he himself showed me his account - and there was nothing ( Obviously cuz he deleted everything suspicious before I came to meet him.) Also, he never let me see his phone & if he had to even go for a bath while I was there, he'd switch off his phone / put a security code.

Meanwhile - his ' parties ' failed miserably & even though, it was my shoulder he always needed to cry on - he & his mum started putting the blame of all his failures on me. He fell deeply into drugs & blamed it on me cuz according to him, I made him so upset with his life that he had to do drugs to convince himself he's happy. And he became an addict. His mum never stopped him cuz according to her " This was his age to do all this " ! Whenever he & I had a fight - he'd ask his mum to intervene ( and I obv cant be fighting with an elder woman ). So, I was made to shut up & I was constantly reminded of how cursed my presence was for my guy.
Oh yea - Btw - my guy - he had not even completed school. So, his mum always told me that since he had never studied - parties were all he could do. And not to forget his dream of becoming the biggest party animal ever with loads of half naked sluts around him. The worst was - he wanted me to be there too - in those parties, in those pics with the chicks. I am not from a family like that neither am I a party person. So, we started clashing & by then, I had completely lost my trust in him too. I was even abused verbally & beaten up regularly - which were followed by apologies & I stayed - thinking things would change.
The funny part is that my guy seemed to know that these party-girls only came for the money & he also knew that none of his friends were really his ' friends ' & I was the only ' real ' person in his life. Even his mum - she just gave him money to go & have fun when he was upset - she never really consoled him or let him cry his heart out or something ( probably cuz she was busy enjoying life with her boyfriend - her husband's business partner ) But, his family really loved me - at least, they pretended to. But well, he ran after these same ' hollow ' chicks, parties, friends. And none of them ever stopped him.

We broke up no. of times - but always got back. During our break ups - his ' best friends ' used to contact me & tell me how sick, loose he was. And how they were surprised that he had found a girl like me. Whenever we got back - I used to tell him the truth about these ' best friends '. He used to be shocked but, was back to enjoying with them like always as if they said nothing !! And yes, during our break ups - He used to go on this rampage of adding girls, flirting with em, telling em how pretty they are, discussing our relationship & why we broke up. ( I saw the messages later ). When we used to get back & I asked him why he did all this - He said he knew I'd be watching. He said he used to do it to drive me crazy so, that I'd call him & get back ! The thing is - he used to chase these chicks like a dog but, ' his ego never let him call me '. He could cry regarding our break up in front of these sluts but, never me !!

But, last year - he beat me up & abused me - badly - my face was swollen & bleeding - all cuz he wanted to meet this childhood friend of his & I didn't want him to. So, his mum's boyfriend decided that it was over. I cut off all contacts - changed my number, blocked him on Fb. But, I did see his friend list - it was growing & the girls he was adding were.... After I finally stopped checking up - after 2 months - he called my college friend - begging, crying cuz he wanted me back. My friend put us on conference cuz I had strictly told her to not pass on my number to anyone. He cried - I screamed at him - I said all I ever wanted to - I told him I hated him. And he just listened, and cried. I was relieved inside. But, he called again after a week or so - and he convinced me to get back with him - promising he'd change & make it beautiful.
So, when we got back, I saw a side to him I loved, I didn't trust him but, I tried to. On our 3rd year anniversary, he proposed to me !! He even got our names tattooed on his neck !! We even adopted a puppy together - he lovingly called him our son. I was over-joyed. Life was BEAUTIFUL.

But, it was too good to be true - 6 months after getting back - it all started again - the girls, the parties, the abuse. He said that 6 months he behaved just the way he wanted me to, so, I should trust him. But, I just couldn't. And then, everything was miserable again. But, he never broke up - he wanted me to trust him cuz of the guy he had been pretending to be for 6 months !! I mean, how sick is that ??
This March - I had finally had enough - he had started adding random girls again - he thought this would force me to trust him. But, it was all killing me inside. So, I broke up. I broke up. I thought it'd make him regret. But, I was wrong.

He went crazy adding girls. And uploaded the pics of a party he hosted ( only 8 peple came !! ) But, there were a few pics with girls who lived in the same locality as his & an older woman. Meanwhile - His Fb was flooded with " OMG, I missed you, call me, love you ".
His mum called after a month after our break up on my landline since I had changed my cell number - it was his birthday - she told me how depressed he had been since morn. I made it clear that I was not going to wish him & he could enjoy with those girls so, she threatened to tell my parents. I had no choice, I called to wish him. We spoke for a min or so & then, I hung up. He wanted me to call him ' once in a while '.
And guess what ? My friend who has access to his Fb a/c ( cuz her brother knows him ) told me that he was actually partying on his birthday with his friends & an old foreign woman !! She showed me the pics. I called him & BLASTED him - I couldn't believe his mother lied so much to me ! Anyways, we spoke for a week or so after that - during which he said weird things like he wanted to marry me, get back with me but, wanted to be 'free' with girls. He was even ready to let me talk to guys now ! ( It was like he wanted to be single while being in a relationship ). Also, he said - all these years, there was not one day he didn't lie to me cuz he knew I would not accept him with all those wishes of his - so, he lied cuz he feared losing me.
I was just being sucked into that warp again - so, one day I finally texted him telling him what an indecent, dishonest, characterless hypocrite he was. He called me after a day - saying he was deeply disturbed because of the message I sent to him. I told him it was the truth & I told him to keep that message as last of me. I haven't heard from him since. This happened in the beginning of April.

But, yes, thanks to my friend - I know he has over 500 people on his Fb friend list now ( he had only 220 when he was with me ) most of them look like party sluts & he's even added back ALL those girls who ever created problems between us. ( He used to make fun of them with me, call em ugly, fat et al. He's even added his younger brother's friends, girlfriends & ex-girlfriends !! ) And worse - I saw his recent pics - kissing, necking, touching ( inspite of that tattoo with our names on his neck ) foreign women ( who look MUCH older & who weren't even wearing enough clothes to cover themselves with ) & an ' old friend ' he had supposedly forgotten - on the bed, the sofa - everywhere.
I have now come to know that this ' old friend ' of his was actually pursuing her grad in another state & she's come back now. But, its been 3 & a half years to my relationship. I wonder if it was she who was actually his ex-girlfriend ( he had told me about ) though he had told me a different name. But, the way they're all over each other in the pics, I am quite sure that they've had sex. And there is no way they've just caught up. She even lives in the same locality so, my imagination goes all crazy when I think. And to top it all - she is quite famous as someone who's loose & would get with any guy. She's everything he wanted - a party girl who doesn't mind him mixing with other women & she, herself, does the same.

Its like - I was never there. Its like those 3 & a half years of my relationship were never there. Its like he never proposed to me. Its like he's actually quite happy. But, when I BROKE UP, WHY AM I NOT HAPPY ? I feel tired all day - I cry, I sleep, I have lost a LOT of weight & my parents are SO worried. There are days I feel fine but, most of the days - I keep crying, thinking, dreaming about him & all that was there between us. I have finally asked my friend to stop checking up on his a/c - the last update was that he had lost his phone ( which prob means my number's lost too ) & all the numbers while he was having fun on the beach ( I dont even want to know with who ).
He also did create a few fake accounts & added me but, I obv don't add randommers. Anyway, he's stopped that. Its like he's not even bothered if I'm dead or alive. Whenever I'm alone, I unblock him & see friend lists of random girls to see if he's there & most of the times - he is. I dont even need to imagine what they must be talking about.
But, its just driving me insane - I cant get myself to stop thinking, imagining, crying - He's broken everything. I had broken up so that, he'd realize but, he is HAVING FUN with sluts. My friend's brother who knows him personally & everyone else , they all say I should be glad he's gone.
The thing is I have always got back with him when he wanted, he himself said it on my face that he knew he could take me for granted. He never let any of my 3 birthdays that I spent with him, go peacefully - from doing me, to beating me up, to abusing me - everything ! But, I broke up & inspite of all that he's doing right now - I haven't called him - and this is unlike anything we've been through before.
But, I dont know what to do - Did he really substitute me with that ex ? Is that old friend his ex ? Why is chasing SO MANY girls ? Does he not remember me ? Does he not think of me even once ? Is he doing all this cuz he knows I'm watching ? Or is he genuinely happy with his life ? Its been a month & a week since we last spoke - Has he really forgotten me & all about us ?

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