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Daliz I don't have any advice, but I'll share with you an experience I had I'd be too embarassed to tell anyone in real life. i dated a guy for maybe 4 months when i was early 20's who was a complete porn addict. and he did not have a computer in his home, it was all discs, a massive collection. before that experience i would have scoffed at the term porn addiction, and maybe it is a misnomer, i don't know if it's a medical addiction, but i have no idea how else to categorize this. I have never had any moral or visual objection to porn but this was insane. He was completely obsessed and perverted. at first i thought he had one or two, they were all hidden, then after we were committed...there's tons of videos...toward the end of our relat he's basically unable to perform, says it's because of stress due to his business. then i wake up in the middle of the night and he's on the couch with one of his discs. Happens repeatedly. His comments about the girls in the videos were bizarre, always about their imperfections, i would cringe. he got in huge trouble at his job (he was 30 at the time, should have known better) over a nudie calendar he hung up in his office. said it was his office, what was the big deal? i was so freaked out he would do something so stupid, let alone crass...he actually wound up getting fired, after we broke up i did not find out why.
i would never have believed something like a porno dvd could be so enveloping to someone, so now i respect when someone says it can ruin a marriage. it's hard for most people to understand b/c most of us watch porn barely or sometimes, it's like playing cards or a glass of wine, if i had never had that experience i could not relate to you. this man was completely unable to perform for me at the end of our relat, and his ideas in general of appropriate male/female conduct were bizarre. one night we were out with friends and he told his friend's fiance "why don't you dance on the bar, i have some dollars" i was mortified, and i realized i couldn't have him hang out around my younger sisters...ugh gross shudder.
obviously i cannot advise you i was not married with children. i was a full-time model then and now, even so i knew i could not satisfy him. just really did not know how to deal with it. the prevailing attitude seemed to be "what's your problem with pornography?" as though i were the one with the problem, meanwhile my boyfriend would literally watch like 3 hours of porn a day...sometimes he would literally just watch it like it was a TV show, which is creepy and strange! it's funny looking back...
it was very difficult on my self esteem as i did not like to be cast as a sex-police prude. sometimes i'd come over b/c we were supposed to go to a movie or something, he'd be watching porn, fully dressed, and say, we'll leave after i watch the rest of this scene, hold on...what is that about? i was glad to finally just walk away and leave him with his library of porn.
my heart goes out to you, i just have no advice so i thought this story might be something.
Really I would have rather pm'ed this message to you...but you're not set to accept pm's. the few times i've talked about this irl it becomes about porn, which i don't care about, i'm not a philosopher i just want a happy life and i know strange behavior when i see it...once i dumped that guy porn became a non-issue in my life like it's supposed to be.
Daliz you may not believe this but very very few men are porn-obsessed.





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