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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


[QUOTE=LJW;3994835]as for comments about making out im handcuffed to him, well im in love with him and i want to have a family and marriage with him so i may not be physically handcuffed to hm but i am attatched to him and i dont want to give up on what we all ready have, so yeah i feel pretty stuck with this situation but i want to find a way of working through this [/QUOTE]

The question is, does he want to have a family and marriage with you? I don't really know what there is to work out. He's told you his conditions for being with him, put the breaks on, no kids for at least 7 years. You either accept those conditions or find someone else. You can't make him want something he doesn't want or force him to more commitment than he is ready for. If you really feel it's him and no one but him and you want to be with him that much, then you have to accept his conditions, and that means no babies for at least 7 years. Case closed. Listen to what he is saying to you.



[QUOTE=LJW;3994835]we have talked a little and he has said he is scared of commitment, is this something that we can resolve or is it just an excuse?[/QUOTE]

Again, you really need to listen to what he is saying to you. It doesn't really matter WHY he is scared of commitment. All you need to know is what he has told you. He doesn't want to fully commit to you. Men who are afraid of commitment, more often than not, don't usually get over the fear until they meet another woman. Like a certain singer who lived with a model for 8 years, asked her to quit working so she could go on the road with him, basically be his wife, just without the benefit of being his real wife. 8 years later, he takes one look at another model, dumps his faithful, loyal girlfriend of 8 years, who is now 36 and too old to go back to modeling and lost out on what could have been the most profitable years of her career, and married the second model within 6 months.

It's been my experience that more often than not, when a man says "I don't want commitment, I don't want a relationship, I don't want to get married, I don't want kids, I don't want to move in" what he's really saying is, I don't want these things [B][I]...with you.[/I][/B]

If this guy really means that much to you, and you feel you need to be with him no matter what, I feel that's a mistake, men tend to respect and think most highly of women who love them like they're not afraid to lose them, but if you need to be with this man no matter what, then you have to respect how he feels and and just accept the risk that 7 years down the road he may leave, he may still not want kids of his own. that's why it's always a dangerous gamble to have a serious relationship with someone who doesn't want the same things in life that you do. You guys are not on the same page. You must understand that you are taking the risk that you may never be.





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