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Hey! I had a few quick questions on ASPD. To start, my boyfriend and I are happily in love, and we've known each other for a long while. He says I understand him better than anyone else does, most likely because I accept the fact that he's a little different. I don't try to change his life. He's really into mental health issues and has spent hours researching. Once he found out about ASPD, something clicked. He came out to me about this a few months ago, and I just shrugged it off. I didn't really believe him because I personally don't fully see it. He's not of age yet to get officially diagnosed.

1. Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest;

This is a hard one. Guys that I know of his age generally are reckless and like to set random things on fire, which he sometimes does. Or maybe I just know really weird guys. As far as stealing, hurting, getting into fights, getting in trouble with police, no.

2. Deceitfulness, as indicated by repeatedly lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure;

He says he has to others, but I've never actually seen this behaviour. He claims it's easy to lie to very young or very old, but not anyone of his age. Since I have a car and he doesn't, I used to drive him places if he needed it. That was my offering. Has he blatantly lied to me? Yes, once. We've dealt with it. It kills me because he can always justify his lies. But I don't feel used.

3. Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead;

I don't think so. He thinks about things before he does them, and tries to know the outcome before it happens.

4. Irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults;

Not at all. He's extremely quiet and keeps to himself and his small group of friends.

5. Reckless disregard for safety of self or others;

I can't see this one in him.

6. Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations;

No. We've been together for nearly 2 years and I've known him for over 3. He's had his job now for a year and a bit. He has no money issues and has a really good sense of finances. He's not at all sexually promiscuous. If he was, I'd be really surprised. He's almost fearful of talking to girls.

7. Lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another.

Oh yes. This is the big one. He can't feel guilt or empathy, and can come up with a clear rationale for everything he's done. He doesn't steal or anything. He doesn't hurt or abuse me, not even emotionally. I keep saying he just has a different way of looking at life, but I don't know anymore.

Other things? He's not at all narcissistic. He isn't charming to others. Has no substance abuse problems and doesn't have an addictive personality. He doesn't have problems with authority figures, but he dislikes "control freaks" and people telling him how to live his life. He might have problems taking blame, but he hasn't exactly done anything that I can blame him for. He doesn't abuse animals, and he's not much of an animal person. He claims he can feel love and pain, and I think he genuinely loves me. Maybe a little differently than I love him, but I still think it's love. I asked him how he'd feel if I dumped him on the spot, and he said he'd be upset (and a little confused) but he'd understand that this is how I felt. Am I wrong to think that we're in love?

One study suggested that people with ASPD had no affection from their mothers in the first five years of life. He says his parents never gave him any affection as a child. I figure that some other things went on (related to abuse) but it's not something he wants to talk about, and I understand that.

I don't want to run far in the other direction unless I have to. Should I? Am I still able to love him, or is it like loving an empty shell? I know that those are only 2/7, but is it possible to be mildly antisocial?

Thanks everyone! :)

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