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Too desperate
May 28, 2009

First time poster but long time lurker. I've got a problem with relationships and I don't know how to handle things. I find it really difficult maintaining relationship with women. In the past year I've had a few encounters with ladies but I'm always second guess myself.

Please tell me if this is right, I generally play it coolish and not because too emotional or too keen which normally gets attention to a date stage with a girl, but as soon as we have been dating than I stop playing games and show interest but this is where it seems to hit a brick wall. In the last year I've gathered interest, we've had a great night out (no physical contact apart from a quick kiss) and I think its gone great. The reactions on the night out are normally great and encouraging.

However when I come to try and be proactive by suggesting another night out whether thats me being decisive i.e. next friday to do X or keeping it light about maybe next weekend. I either get "oh I'm busy then etc" or it gets cancelled last minute. Now I know reading this you are probably think they are not interested but generally I think it is a valid reason why they do this. But I've then either try to suggest another time or wait for them to come back to me but hit a brick wall.

I guess I really struggle trying to find if a woman is into me. I know about body language and its good. I'm fairly attractive guy and can make someone laugh but I'm just wondering is what I'm doing wrong. I often feel that the power situation changes and I seem to do most of the work i.e. texting, messaging etc. Then I worry about being too keen but I've also been caught out where it seems like I am too cool and not interested.

I never know how to play it after a date and think I must come across too keen e.g. text messaging I will ask a question which they will answer but not leave much room for a follow on from me. When I reply back with something thats meant to be a hook to them sometimes I get no reply. How do I say I'm interested in the early days or even understand they are interested in me without seeming desperate.

By the way these are women that aren't on dating websites or intentionally looking for a date kinda thing so the rules are different

Also how do I make sure I am engaging correctly with women - I can approach easily enough but I am almost 100% proactive and have to initiate the conversations each time yet I see some guys I work with seem to have no problem having women engage them at work.

Really depressed about it...please help

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