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[QUOTE=pendulum;3999515]Hi again

Could you tell us about the issues in your relationship that may have made her decide to break up? If there were issues, why did she have sex with you without protection? Do you think she was planning on having this baby and then becoming a single mother? I mean, do you think she may have used you for that purpose?[/QUOTE]I found myself dating her the first month and I was quite nervous and unassertive given the fact i was so attracted to her and did not want to make mistakes, and also I have not dated a lot in the last 3 years. That carried on probably too long. She is very independent which I was attracted to but I felt after several months into it that I had to make appointments to see her as she was quite active and busy. Kind of want your cake and eat it to. I guess I felt the first 6 months should be about passion and we had that at times but I felt we went from casual dating to a married couple after 2 months.

She's the child of an alcoholic and I think in hindsight I can how that affected her. She was hyper sensitive over things like small talk given the fact that her and her mother had a very poor relationship with little communication other than "it's going to be hot tomorrow." I think she picked up initially the first month or so that I was nervous and she then pulled back a bit which I picked up on and there went a ping-pong match. After 3 or so months things were going pretty good but the issue of her not having orgasms was brought up. And sadly we never discussed the reasons why she wasn't having them which was obviously the wrong thing. We talked about talking about sex.

There were times the last month that I felt like I was walking on egg shells around her as I felt it was hard to talk to her. The last day we were together I asked her over dinner if she went jogging that morning which was something she was doing from time to time and she snapped back that she worked out all that weekend. I think her response was due to her thinking I always ask her that and maybe we do nothing but talk about small things (not true IMO). When we went home I brought up how hard it is to talk to her, like I'm walking on egg shells and we basically started to air dirty laundry about each other. Not yelling of course. When I left that night I think I knew it was over, but the next morning I emailed her that I wanted to make it work, even though we had bumps in the road. She emailed me back saying we should stop seeing each other, there were positives in the relationship but the essesntials weren't working and she looks forward to being good friends.

For the next week I emailed her trying to explain myself, mentioning I had feelings still. The last email I sent really sent her off and she emailed back..."Dude, you're starting to freak me out. It's been a week and you still are writing me. I don't have an interest in getting back together but I do want to be friends". That devastated me as I did not think sending several emails a week after we broke up mentioning I had feelings still was such a bad thing. It made me feel like an obsessed boyfriend who was calling her all the time or stopping by. I never did any ot that. I simply sent 4 emails. I let 3 weeks go by and emailed her how distraught I was that she reacted that way and apologized she misunderstood me, but I could not apologize for having feelings still. She emailed me back the next day saying no worries and lets get together to catch up. That struck me as being odd considering barely 3 weeks went by. I said I can't see you quite yet considering all the feelings I have still but I did apologize for the mistakes I made in the relationship. She responded back a day later that as hard as it was to see each other but she really wants to get together. It left me puzzled as to why. I thought she was going to tell me I was making her uncomfortable by having feelings still, but the news was she was 3 months pregnant.

We did use birth control - condoms - but I believe one of them may have broken as I had the same issue in January. I know her quite well and this was not a planned thing for her, or malicous in anyway. She's 39 and we talked during the relationship about having kids and her response was she did not want to do it alone. I think when she found out she was pregnant given her age she decided to go for it. When she mentioned on Friday about the pregnancy i started to talk about how I wanted to get back together and her response was she can't go there right now considering all the emotions over the pregnancy; it was/is her complete focus. She mentioned as well that the first week we broke up I was all over the place in the emails -- I have feelings still, then the next day i want to be friends. I think I was trying to tell her what she wanted to hear but the facts were I wanted to get back together. Maybe I felt if I kept on saying that I'd alienate her even more. I felt though after our conversation on Friday that she's approaching this as a single mom with the idea that she does want me involved in the child's life but I'm not sure were I fit right now. I wanted to hang out with her the next day as a friend but I think given the fact we literally saw each other in person for the first time in a month she needs a tad of space to get back into that mode. What's sad for me is that I do miss her dearly and do want to get back together but not the way it was at times. I see my mistakes, and while it is a 2 way street, I want to improve things like communication, etc. And now I feel given the fact she's pregnant with our child it's making it even more difficult for me.

Sorry for the long post.





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