It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


I don't know if this will help or not, but your situation sounds just like what I went through a few years back, and I hope it helps you to understand why she does what she does. Sometimes just having a companion in your life is safer because you won't feel the pain as if things go bad if you truly love them. It's a protection barrier, in some manner....But, any ways I hope this will ring some bells and help you to understand the possibilities of what she may be feeling.....

The sounds of what you had and have posted about reminds me of a few years ago me and a male friend done everything together, He was my best friend. We went on family trips, vacations, trips to the beach, shopping, even ER trips for my migraines. I insisted after he had surgery that he stay at my house so I could take care of him and know that he wasn't up pushing himself so soon, he was a work alcoholic. He was usually at my house on a daily basis, if not we talked on the phone. He helped me w/ many things I needed help w/ around the house, he even bought things for me and my kids that he knew I wanted or needed, at least until I asked him not to buy me gifts, that I enjoy him being around w/ out all the gifts. He had a special bond w/ my disabled son and helped me a lot with the care for him. He was very good to me and my kids and there wasn't anything he wouldn't do for me. We watched movies and just hung out, and during that time I never really dated anyone, not that we had an agreement or anything. We also had never had any kind of sexual relationship.

I was upfront in the beginning and told him I wasn't looking for a relationship that I just needed to get control of my own life, and he always respected that and never over stepped those boundaries, but I also knew he did love me. But, that was the problem, although I loved hanging around with him and his company, enjoyed all the things we would do together, but I just couldn't feel love in my heart as it should be, and it wasn't fair to him for me to try and fake it just because he was a good to me and for me, or that is what he wanted to hear, then I would be misleading him.

My family thought I was crazy because I wouldn't hook up w/ him as a couple, but I was not IN LOVE with him and I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with this man just because of convenience or just comfort ability. I also wanted to feel that great feeling of love in my heart, not just I cared deeply about him and to me he deserved to have someone love him as he wanted. What we were was companions and nothing more, because we were not lovers and no matter how good he was to me, I just couldn't feel what should be there and I never wanted to lie to him and just tell him what he needed to hear because in a relationship both are to feel that special love that holds together a relationship. Unfortunately we are now no longer friends and all because in the end I did start dating and found someone that I did fall in love with, and although we stayed close friends during all of it and I moved 2 1/2 hrs away we stayed in contact, he even took my disabled son every other weekend to give me a break and for him to still have time w/ him, but when problems arose between me and my husband and I ended up leaving him, I stayed at my best friends house, but it went to hell from there, because once again he was hoping that it would turn into more and I looked for my own place, and from there on he drifted away because he realized it would never be what he felt inside.....

Now whether this long story helps I don't know, but maybe it is similar to what you are going through and she cares for you deeply and realizes as far as having a companion around your a great person, but it would be a relationship out of comfortability not love as you would like....Now the question here is, can you live w/ knowing the woman you are with is comfortable with you and cares deeply for you, but will never love you in the same manner, actually I should say "IN LOVE"? That even as time goes by she will never fall in love with you and you two share that special feeling, but you will at least have her. I personally looked at it this way, it wasn't fair to me and wasn't fair to my friend and moved on in hopes that both of us would find that special person to have those special feelings that came natural....

She may have never showed you those emotions because she never wanted to mislead you into something that she wasn't feeling, but yet she wanted you to be around as her best friends and companion and that is where the marriage part came in, she just figured she would settle and love wasn't that important if you two have the comfortability of companions and that way she also was giving you what she thought you wanted.....It's just a thought....I know it is hard and your emotions are going haywire right now, but once the emotions calm down you will be able to see the picture clearer for what it really is.....Good luck dear....





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:44 AM.





2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!