It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


[QUOTE=chevyman;4014638]marilyn60,
I agree with you on some things you mention but I also think that for some people they have different ambitions and see things in a different way, all realtioships are not the same and whos to say how things will be, its great that you and your hubby have that inner understanding of each other but what works for some don't mean it will work for others.
I enjoyed reading your post it gives me some other insights on prespective issues as of what to think about.

Yes Tivo123 I agree that it takes both to enjoy in on the fun and have the love and affection for both.
I always thought it to be a natural thing to love each other in an affectionate way kiss hug and just enjoy each other/(not meaning smoother each other in a sea of intimacy)....(some don't think that way) I thought I could see through her the way she love me back with her actions, its just I need more assurance than that to marry her, I'm not affraid of commitment or marrige I welcome that to my life,NOTHING COULD MAKE ME MORE HAPPIER, TO START A FAMILY HAVE KIDS OF MY OWN But if I'm not sure about the devotion and love the trust and all the other things that come in a loving realtionship....then I'm not getting married to that person simple as that!
However I'm beginning to think she is just a meterialistic person/controling underminer which I never throuht that of her.

We have not talk sinse the little spat, she is stubborn as I am, we both won't give an inch, she has not called text, or anything neither have I.

Maybe its better that way give us both more time to think about all this nonesense, and the fact that she started these rumors about us getting married that was what started all of this in the first place and last weekend I sit her down and had a long talk with her and when I ask her about her not ever telling me she loves me and I openly ask her in a nice round about way why SHE WOULD NOT SAY THAT TO ME,she said she just couldn't so that told me something right there and yes it did make me up-set with her.

I have discuss her late hubby about the pics in her bedroom and how it made me feel but we came to an agreement on that,numorus other factors concerening her late husband and I ask her if she did need time alone a ''private'' moment to reflect back on her marrige and any time she needed to do that I was fine with it, I have tried my best to cover/touch certain areas of her past/present and her future...both of our future.

I have did everything I know to let her know my love is real and she is real and I'll never replace her ex or try to be like him, I told her what you see with me is what you get I'm not fake or try to be someone I'm not and if you don't like that then its best we just move on with our lives.

yeah I'm heartbroken pretty bad but I'll get over it...I just need some time alone to myself...I guess it would not hurt so bad if I had not fell so deeply in love with her.
Thanks guys for all the kind words I appreciate it.[/QUOTE]



Chevy,

Did her husband die or were they divorced?...wow, one post was like she did something wrong that caused her marriage to end. Did she cause her husband to die or something? I can't believe the venum! I don't think that vilifying someone you purport to care about is a compliment to you. What do people think of you...that you are stupid or lame? Maybe neither of you are good for each other and you should not have become intimate. But even if that is true, it does not mean she is a bad person or that it is a mistake to care for her.

Not at all did I say that you should accept a cold, heartless woman. And, don't mistake it, that is not what any of my relationships have ever been about, in any manner. If you believe I even suggested that you accept less than being loved then you seriously missed the point that I was making about respecting your woman. It is respectful to accept the level of affection and words that each other wants to give at the time. If one of us is not giving us what we prefer at the time we wait for the other, and while we are waiting we actively do somethings we choose to do to help (not make) the other feel warmer and fuzzier, because after all, we are the ones that benefit whenever we give toward each other.

I know you are trying to recover from feeling hurt and disappointed that you could not get your woman to tell you what you wanted to hear. and from embarrassment that everyone now knows for sure that you have no intention to marry her. That does not prove that she has been wronging you. However, I'm giving you some tough love here, too. You said you were madly in love with a 'fantastic woman' and now only eleven days later you are staying away from a 'witch'. You are the one that chooses to abandon her, so maybe she is better off without you.

What a poor blind fool of a man you have been...eh? NO, I do not believe that about you any more than I believe she is a despicable woman.

None of your words of love for her meant you were or are committed to her. So why are you so hung up on her words?You told us if she tells you she loves you, then "MAYBE", I "MIGHT" marry her (in a hundred years)". You say that was just a joke, but I think you do mean you only MIGHT have married her. Does that she mistook your hemming and hawwing to mean that you wanted to marry her prove that she tried to trick you? No, it proves nothing. Maybe she did hear what she wanted to hear. But you knew for a long time that she wanted marriage. So were you not being dishonest with her when you hemmed and hawwed because you wanted to keep having intimacy with her even though you knew you didn't want to marry her? You require a full verbal commitment while you are unwilling to give her even a promise of a real commitment. You simply don't give to her the same thing that you want for yourself.

Why you are accepting third party opinion about the woman in your life that only wants to be with YOU is beyond my imagination. Your back and forth posts just don't add up to a man that was with this woman because you wanted marriage with her. I think you were in love with the idea of romance, the idea of marriage...I don't think you mean to be manipulative, but I think that it has been you that was just using her until someone else better came along. You didn't sweep her off her feet and just say you love and want her no matter what because you never were that into her...do you think that she can't see that? Really you offered her a good time, and nothing more. Why should she surrender her full self to that?

Did or did you not write that she tells you she loves you when you are making love together? Did or did you not say she is the love of your life, and that "she is very well financially secure , we both have outstanding careers"? Did or did you not tell us that "she says that I'm the man for her and she don't need to look or want to be with anyone", and that "I don't need to say it you already know I do''.

Did you write this about her: "
I love the way she makes me feel as a man ,just to be around her is pleasing to me, she makes me feel different than anyone I've ever known its how she makes me feel inside and the feelings /vibes I get with her she makes me feel like I am wanted and not just an old roll in the hay......we both would kill for each other, she is a little jealous of me and I'm a little with her but if ever two people were connected its us".

I copied and pasted some of this from your posts in this very thread. If you did not mean any of those things, then OK, I am completely wrong. If you did write and mean those things, then how can you now say she is just materialistic and does not love you...(what?) ...what does she need you for if she is so well off? She is totally fine without you, but she still chooses to be with you and wants to commit to you. How could that mean she does not love you? Your level of insecurity does not match the words you wrote about her.

Good grief, if you don't believe all the good things you wrote about her, then please do leave her alone and don't mislead her anymore that she might have marriage with you...for sure do not risk getting her pregnant then tell us she tricked you!

I tried to help, but I think you just want to blame her for your own lack of commitment. Oh well, you may as well get over it, because she clearly isn't someone that will be manipulated. Yes, I think that not accepting all the good and beauty in your relationship just because she wanted to be your wife and you were not ready is sad and well...it's your loss...keep on looking. Maybe you can find someone that is so scared that you might leave that she will do or say anything. To me that would be one yukky relationship, but that's me.

My whole point is that if your stubborness is more important to you than all the other things she is and does that makes you feel warm and fuzzy, including that she tells you she loves you in the most intimate moments, if that is not enough for you to stop making this all about whether she will say she loves you when you ask, then you may as well accept that you truly are just not that in to her. It's not a crime...but then do please leave her alone.





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:08 PM.





© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!