It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


[QUOTE=chevyman;4004080]humm,

I'm not just jumping in this as some of you may think AND MARRY HER NO WAY IS THATS GOING TO HAPPEN, its a little more complicated than some of you realize but IN the end I know its major decision I'LL HAVE TO MAKE ONE WAY OR THE OTHER.
....
....I assure you guys I'm not getting married anytime soon just to see if she will say she loves me.... And I'm not letting her control me or do her chores, or let her think she has her me by the finger ect,,ect,, or chase after that carrot just to keep her happy or if she will give me a piese of a**...sure I'll help her thats just the kind of guy I am I'll help anyone at any time but I'll choose the things I help her with, she is not going to order me around like a dog any more and if I don't take her to bed over it or she ends up all huffy and pissed then thats just to darn bad.....she thinks she can whine around and I'll come around...not any more baby!!

Thanks Guys for all your help and advise on this matter I appreciate it and I Promise I will take this advise and make a balance decision what to do....

...I'm tired of going on in this realtionship and I'm ready to cut things /find common ground, if she don't want this realtionship to be a equal with trust/devotion and love equally that a realtionship is built on and stays on and we both agree on things or most everything and comproimse when thats needed and get this realtionship back on the ground...If she don't want that and a lot of what most of you guys have mention... then yes I'lll tell her this realtionship is over...she free to do as she pleases.
.........[/QUOTE]



I hope you don't mind Chevyman, that I edited some of what you wrote to save space. I left the parts I want to answer.

I have been away from the boards for a long time, and some of your threads caught my eye because I have had several broken heart past relationships, a divorce, and since then have been in a good marriage over 28 years, so I wanted to share with you some of what I now understand makes a relationship work and what works against it. I found and read your threads for the last few months. Before I read this thread I was planning to try to explain some things about working relationships, such as that certain opposites are more likely to work out together than similar personalities.

For instance, all giving should come from a heart that wants to please the other person, not from a place of suspicion and judging the other person's preferences. I wanted to say that girls can have domineering mothers and themselves be dominated. Children are not automatically just like their parents. That a woman that can say what she wants is a confident woman, and it doesn't mean she expects you to robotically obey her every desire. What we choose to do is about us, not about the people around us. I was going to share that I am a thinking type and my mate is considerably more emotional...these differences seemed sort of threatening until we learned to understand that the differences are not personal, and in fact are a good compliment for making life decisions.

But after reading your post above, I am astounded... :eek:
I am shocked that you have complained that this gal likes it if you help out, is not as affectionate as you prefer, doesn't tell you everything, has a life of her own (these actions are differences not personality defects) and that she just won't change...and at the same time you say you are so in love and want only her, while you have a whole life here on the boards, secretly gossiping about details of her life, and at the same time holding it against her that she doesn't tell you every detail of how she spends her time. Do you know what that is about?

From your descriptions, to me she seems to be naive about your real motivation to keep her in your life without marriage, not conniving. Granted I am not jaded about relationships or mates, but didn't you say that she eventually wanted marriage, and all along you did not?

It appears to be a double-standard ...what have you done to show you are trustworthy? You dislike that she openly lets you know that you don't get to know everywhere she goes, while you pretend to be an open book to her when you clearly are not. I would never trust a special someone again if I learned that he (or she) spilled my life out on the internet for everyone to read and judge, no matter if they knew who I was or not.

You don't want to get married or commit to her (this fact obviously is news to her). I don't believe anything that you wrote on the boards is about her, and do believe it all is about you. Probably you are otherwise a very nice guy that means well, but you seem to be extremely self-absorbed and passive-aggressive, confusing your own lack of commitment with what you percieve to be her faults.

It looks like you think it is her job to overcome the fact that you are non-commital, give you lots of sex & affection, words of love, and since it was not done your way, then "NO WAY WILL I MARRY HER!" You don't owe her marriage, as after all, she gave herself to you from her own free choice...but wasn't it in the belief you were headed for marriage (why else would she think you planned to marry her?)

Being reserved and wanting one's own space is perfectly appropriate, esp. for someone not married. She isn't your wife, so she does not owe you anything. It appears that you want the security and closeness that develops within a truely committed marriage over the years. The romantic, unrealistic outlook you have usually is held by chronically alone and disappointed people. You don't have to marry this girl, but if you don't want to be married, then you need to be completely upfront and leave her alone. You first need to be even more honest with the woman in your life than you are with people on the internet.

Your girlfriend chose to go along with you so that's that and she gets what she gets...but I don't think you were fair to her, since you knew all along that you didn't want to marry. I don't believe this is about who she is as much as it is about you. You seem to be a romantic with genuinely idealistic desires, but you are sir also seem to be a player. ;)





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:33 AM.





2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!