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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Well, you don't say how long you've been dating your guy and how serious you are. Are you almost this boy's step mother, or are you still "just one of daddy's friends?" This could make a difference in how he sees your criticism. But generally, if I were to look at this from your boyfriend's side of things, if I had a child and I was dating someone and that someone scolded my child, especially for something *I* didn't think was any kind of infraction worthy of scolding, I have to admit, I'd be pretty po'd. As a parent, I would consider it my job to raise my kid the way I see fit, and it's the job of anyone I'm dating to support me in how I choose to raise my kid, not to raise him for me or tell me how to raise him. I don't even like people telling me how to take care of my dog, let alone my child. My child is my business.

Now, I wasn't there so I don't know HOW you said it, if you snapped at the boy, lost your cool, or if you calmly, kindly, respectfully told him "now honey, please don't ask so many questions..." etc. I think that would make a difference. But generally speaking, I think when you date someone who has a kid, you have to be on the same page as far as the kid's behavior and what is and isn't acceptable or considered "good manners." It's not your job to raise his kid, it's his job. You either like the way he's doing his job or not. If you really have such a big problem with how he's raising his kid, then maybe you need to date someone whose views on childrearing are more in line with your own. This is precisely why kids are called "baggage." Dating someone with them is HARD, for precisely this reason. Next time your guy's son does something you don't like, don't correct him then and there, but bring it up to your guy later on, when the boy isn't around, and mention what he did and ask your guy how he feels about it.

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