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I just went through my first heartbreak, and it was bad. He dumped me in February, and I'm finally to the point where I don't think about him constantly anymore. I'm back on the dating scene, but am trying to be very cautious because I seriously never want to get hurt like I did recently.

So I've been "seeing" this friend of mine who I have known for a few years. He was interested in me before I started dating my ex of over 2 years, and once I became single recently, he started pursuing me heavily. He is the complete opposite of my ex, and has every quality I could want in a guy. He just graduated college, doesn't smoke or do drugs, adventurous, good job, athletic, etc. He's everything my ex wasn't. He took me out to a nice dinner and movie a few nights ago, and wanted to take me to a concert today. He always is dying for me to come watch him play the sport he plays. He wants to see me all the time, texts me everyday, and tells me goodnight every night.

BUT...I don't know what his intentions are. He's done and said some things that are making me question whether I should spend any more time on him. For starters, I went to his graduation party a few weeks ago where he kept kissing me in front of everyone, but then disappeared. I later found out from his friend that he was in his bedroom with another girl, and that they made out. "Mike," I'll call him, (the new guy) won't admit that happened, so who knows. He's not my boyfriend, and we haven't talked about being exclusive whatsoever, so I told him I didn't care if he hooks up with other girls but it shouldn't happen WHILE I'M AROUND if he wants us to continue. Ever since I told him that, he's been seeming even more interested in me, and wants to see me practically every day.

A few weeks ago he asked why whenever he's seen me lately, I'm always wearing pants, and then said, "Well I like shorts, dresses, & skirts." Also, he asked me to send him a picture message of myself and said, "You can send it of anything." He always tells me I'm sexy and have a great body. Last night, he and I drank some alcohol with some friends and ended up making out. He was pretty drunk and told me while we were kissing, "I wanna **** you." Then today he told me I got him really turned on last night, and that next time he wants to see me more aggressive. He really has some nerve being so blunt!

I'm worried that he only wants to get in my pants, to be honest. He's never even tried to touch me at all down there though. We've done nothing but kiss, and I'm not about to have sex with someone I'm not exclusively dating.

How do you know if someone really likes you or they just want to get laid? I don't want to start really really liking him if he's likely to hurt me or play around with me. Does it sound like he has bad intentions to you guys? He's 23, and I'm just beginning to think most, if not all, men around my age just want to have sex and not be serious with girls.
His intensions are very clear. My dad has always told us (his little girls) growing up that women have a way of complicating a very CLEAR situation. If guys dont call you back when they say they will... they obviously dont want to talk and perhaps not interested. There is nothing more to analyze.

In this case, its obvious... TO ME anyways that this guy is simply trying to get in your pants. I think he is playing the field and is dating several women. Now, there is nothing wrong with that if you are OKAY with that and you want to date other people too. This guy is talking to several women and is dating other women whether he told you that or not. He would probably sleep with a couple of women while he speaks with you.

If you are okay with that and doing that yourself... GREAT! but personally, you dont sound like that type. Besides, what kind of guy would outright say he wants to **** you????? A guy that really cares and wants to be with a woman and have a relationship with her.... WILL NOT speak to her that way.

Guys separate booty calls/ F buddies from women they genuinely want to be with... and they treat these women of category very differently. I think the fact that you made out with him... probably makes him think that you are willing to go that route.

Another thing... its a very red flag that you heard he made out with someone else. WHY would anyone make that up? Secondly, he should have been tending to you especially if you are spending time together. Whether you are okay with him dating other women or not is besides the point.... its a respect thing!

The intentions are clear - and you know what they are. Dont kid yourself. The fact that you posted this question tells me that you know THE VERY LEAST something isnt right. You probably already sense that this guy is "player" or in my terms a complete scum bag.
Darn. He'd be so perfect if he wasn't only interested in getting in my pants! I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I agree with you all that he's made it clear that he's just looking for some fun. I don't even know what I'M looking for, but not casual sex, so I guess this guy is not the one for me. I don't even know if I'm ready to be dating again? I'm pretty sure I am.

People keep telling me to date older, because most guys my age are like the one I wrote about (is this true?). I started seeing a 25 year old (4 years older than me), and he, too, was only interested in casual sex. So I got rid of him. Jeez, do I need to date men in their 30's for them to be semi-serious?

I don't know why I'm attracting sleezy men? I don't dress revealing, or act promiscuous, I'm actually kind of shy at first. And I didn't think kissing him was a bad idea since we've known each other for years and we didn't kiss till we'd hung out quite a number of times. I don't know where to meet any good guys!
Well, I was considering continuing what I had going with this guy, but not having sex if he tried, which he hasn't. But he keeps saying more provocative things like asking what turns me on and if I'm kinky. A guy friend of mine left me a comment tonight that said, "In case anyone hasn't told you lately...you're beautiful." Then all of a sudden I got incredibly sad and started crying! I haven't heard that or anything really sweet in awhile, and it made me really miss my ex who would tell me that. I want someone to be interested in ME, my personality, first and foremost. This new guy doing this is making me miss my ex, who actually might have loved and cared about me at some point, and made me feel like a person rather than an object, but he ended up throwing me away. But the new guy is also making me realize what I don't miss about my ex because they're polar opposites.

I made plans to hang out with the new guy tomorrow, but now I don't know if I want to go. This past weekend he asked me to cancel plans with my girlfriends to go be with him, because he couldn't go out that night and when I said no, he asked me to promise to see him the next evening, which I did. Yesterday he said that he hardly gets to see me and would like it to be more. Then today he texts me saying, "Haven't heard from you all day :( " and then later asked if I would come visit and and he'll rent us a movie this weekend because he's getting his wisdom teeth removed. He wants to see me all of the time. I feel a little overwhelmed for some reason. Although it definitely seems like he wants in my pants, he also comes off as if we're something more than hooking up. Doesn't he? When we went on our date last week, he held my hand the whole time and it felt like we were a couple. Very weird for me, just getting out of a relationship. I don't even think he's hanging out with other girls because he works all day, and if we're not hanging out afterward then he's texting me all night.

Should I tell him exactly how I feel about this whole situation and see what he says or does? Or is it not worth my time?

I'm not out looking for guys, but this one just happened to come up since we've known each other for so long. I definitely am in no rush to have another relationship. I'm just now finding myself again and enjoying being single. I miss my ex right now though, where it was comfortable, easy, and I felt like he cared about me at least a little. I actually have [U]really[/U] been enjoying life, focusing on school, meeting new people, etc. and it won't be a big deal to cut this guy off. Sorry if this post sounded whiny or dumb, it's really late and I'm tired. Thank you all for the replies!





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