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I have been dating my girlfriend for 4 years; living together for the past two. Over the past year she has become closer and closer with a guy from her office. The guy is going through a divorce and has been very depressed. At first I thought my girlfriend was just trying to be a good friend, but as time went on this guy was spending more and more time with my girlfriend.

Last month it was almost 4-5 days a week that this guy either came over our house for dinner or she would stay late at the office with him. I had mentioned a few times this past year that his time spent at our place was becoming a little too much but she would say he is lonely and going through a rough divorce I accepted it.

After spending 8 nights in a row with him for dinner two weeks ago I confronted my girlfriend explaining that this was getting completely out of hand. Questioning their relationship; I asked if she had feelings for him. She admitted both her and him have feeling for each others (they have talked about it in length), however she stated she loves me more and wants to be with me in the long term. She claimed she is not physically cheating on me (which I believe).

Since this confrontation; he does not come over my house in fear/shame, but they continue to spend time at work and after work when I am not around.

In a few weeks this guy is leaving the country for Japan for at least 18 months. My girlfriend claims that once he leaves, everything should get better, and that she wants to continue to spend time with him before he leaves the country.

What am I to do? Is this relationship still worth it? Do I wait and see what happens or is this a clear sign that we are not meant for each other?
Coming in late on this one but I have to agree. My goodness, this girl has cheek. She has been very very honest with you, to her credit I guess to some degree, but she has pretty much come out and admitted that she is having an emotional affair. To me, and this is just me personally and how I tend to look at the matter, but I think an emotional affair is really not all that different than a sexual affair, in fact in many cases it's worse. I mean, would you be ok with her having sex with this guy under your own roof, or at the office, and being glad that you are working late so she can have sex with him, and say "well, it's not like it will go on forever, she loves me more, and once he's gone things will go back to normal." ? Me personally, I really don't that much of a difference. I'm pretty black and white that way. You either want to be with me or you don't. If there is someone else you would rather spend time with than being alone with me, then you need to go pursue that and see what that comes to, and let me go. I don't care to hear giggy happiness in your voice at the thought of my working late so you can go have dinner with your infatuation. I think the right one would never dream of saying "I love you MORE, but I love him too and I want to spend as much time as I can with him before he leaves, and then I can be yours exclusively again, ok? (and let's just hope I don't ever meet someone ELSE who makes me feel the way Mr. Domo Arigato does. If I do, maybe you'll luck out and he'll be on his way to Peru)" I mean, I look at it this way - if she really loved you MORE, why is it YOU being put on the back burner, being the one who has to set all the boundaries (he would still be parking his feet under your table and eating your food while romancing your woman if you hadn't made a stink about it) and you being asked to make the big compromises? If she really loved you MORE, why isn't she telling him "I care about you but I've made a commitment to him and I have to respect that and I can't expect him to wait around while I'm your girlfriend until you leave." ?

But I think it's a personal, individual thing. Some people can get past an affair, they wait it out and just make the very best of their life and eventually the affair runs its course and ends and then the marriage/relationship gets back on track, and some people are fine with that. Some people feel that as long as it's done discreetly, an affair is just part of dealing with married life and it's to be tolerated. Some other people can't tolerate an affair at all and would be gone, at least as long as the affair was going on. What you need to do is decide what kind of person you are. Do you love her so much that you are willing to wait for her to come around and do whatever she needs to do to get it out of her system and come around to loving you again because you feel it's just something she has to do, or do you feel walked on, disrespected, and cuckolded? Don't stand for her treating you however she wants to out of fear, fear of losing her, fear of never meeting anyone else, etc. You have to decide who you are, what you want, and how you want to be treated, and what love means to you, and then stick to it.

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