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I did ask her if she loves her husband. She said that she does love him, but she loves him like she loves her mom or her brother. He's a member of her family, and she loves him as such, but she wouldn't want to divorce a member of her family and never have a relationship with him as friends again, either. [/QUOTE]

Does her husband know that she loves him like a brother? Is that good enough for him? Could it be he knows about the affair and doesn't care? She wouldn't want to divorce a family member, but she has no problem breaking promises she made to a family member, doing something lurid behind his back and making a fool out of him? Doesn't make sense to me. Theo ther side of the coin is, by not divorcing him, she's keeping her husband from finding a woman who really will love him truly and passionately, like a wife loves a husband and not just like a brother or any other member of the family. Seems she's not really thinking about Curt at all, only herself. All I can say about that is, I hope Curt is cooling off with her because he's found real love somewhere else and it's only a matter of time before he leaves her to be with a good woman who really loves him. If he knows or suspects the affair and doesn't mind, then perhaps they both entered this marriage as a marriage of convenience and they both are ready to explore other options.

This is precisely why I don't believe in "good enough" marriages. Where there is no real passion, the people are not "in love" with each other, but they like each other enough and are comfortable with each other. It seems to lead to things like this a good chunk of the time.

[QUOTE=amazinggrace23;4018874]I explained to her that she can't have both: she can't try to fix her marriage at the same time that she's sleeping with her boss. She nodded and said that she knew that, and I figured that she probably did.[/QUOTE]

And yet she's continuing the affair, which means, she either DOESN'T really know that, or really isn't as interested in saving her marriage as she claims.

[QUOTE=amazinggrace23;4018874] I don't feel like I can give her any kind of advice because I don't want to come across as "preachy," especially when she probably already knows what I will say, and because I've never been in this situation.[/QUOTE]

I've never taken heroin, either, but I know enough to know it's not a very smart thing to do and I know what it can do to you. You don't have to have been in this situation to know where it will most likely lead. Make it clear to her that you're not judging her, you don't think she's a terrible person, but she is doing something that will most likely end up causing her a great deal of pain and grief. But I guess at the end of the day, you're right. All you can do is tell her you think that it's usually the best course of action to stand by your commitments, and if you can't, then get out of them. And after that, as her friend, the only thing you can do is let her make her mistakes, wait and help her pick up the pieces when they come falling down.


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