It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Hi, dear all. Thank you for coming here and thank you for ur help.

My husband says I'm very jealous and insecure, but am I really so?

There is a woman he dated long time ago, like in 1992, and he said he broke up with her after abt 1 week and became friends. Now whenever she texts him or emails him she always plus a "bff" as if she's afraid he would forget that. lol Now she married again with two step daughers. Every time if we have an argument he will talk about that with her, she's never said anything that good for our relation. Here's something she said,

"i told ya , a while back take out old trash. you don't have time to deal and raise, and mold a immature child, move on, your a great guy and you deserve waaaaaaaaay, better. your my BFF, and i have to look out for ya, you would do the same for me."

" YOU SAID YOU WANTED KIDS IN FUTURE, NOT A WIFE THAT IS A KID AND YOU HAVE TO RAISE, I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY, AND I DON'T SEE THAT HAPPENING. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT WORK, DON'T WAIT UNTILL IT'S TO LATE. YOU WOULD TELL ME THE SAME, AND YOU KNOW IT. IF YOUR NOT HAPPY, IT'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE, AND IT'S NOT FAIR TO BRING A CHILD IN THAT KIND OF LIFE. BE CAREFUL, YOUR SMART AND KNOW PEOPLE AND HOW THEY ARE. I STILL FEEL AS I SAID IN BEG. SHE IS OUT FOR SOMETHING WITHOUT HAVING TO GIVE. HAVE A GOOD DAY BFF. LIFE'S TOO SHORT."

Isn't that a bitch that I should hate? I bet i'll beat her if i see her in person.

Also, my husband tried to see one of the girls he dated right before me on the cam some days ago.

He always says whom he talks to, what's on his computer are all "none of ur business!"
Is that really none of my business? I think I care about those cause I care about him, I don't think i'm jealous but just hate anyone who's tryin' to do anything harmful to our marriage. Cause they've known each other much longer than we do, I'm afraid one day he'll listen to their bullshit or what they said left him some bad effects or impression. Am I really jealous? The more he said none of my business while keeping in touch with his exs even tried to see each other on the webcam when they are in different states,and she often says something like I wish u were here, my shoulder's always here or something, the more suspicious I am. It made me feel they are not over yet. Do u use ur computers seperately and set a passcod for log-in? Do u check his cellphone/emails? Does ur husband/bf allow u to do that? I always think if there's nothing in his cell or computer then he'll not be afraid of checking them, that's why I'll not care if he checks mine. Is that really none of my business? I can't be like him cause he said if i cheated on him he would find out sooner or later, then he would just leave me and find another one. I can't let my relation go so easily like him.

Help, please.I'm new married.What should I do now? Insist and fighting? or leave and run far away?

Additional Details
once I got a call from that ***** "bff" when he's not home. I answered politely and asked who's there,tried to take a msg for him, then she hanged in a hurry. Then she called my husband. When i told him he said that's not right, she had no reason not to leave her name. I thought that's because she knew what she's said about me, about us, and by that time she was kinda with a guilty conscience, so she was not Dare to. I knew there's no interests from him for her, but i feel she still tryin to break us down even she can't get him back any more. I thought She is jealous because i got a good man while she married a trash with step children.

Also, I don't want him to talk about our arguments or anything about us with others, I think it's none of others' business, like the vow says, Marriage is the union of one man and one woman, voluntarily entered into life, to the exclusion of all others. So i think it's kinda private thing. But he talks to everybody, his friends, his sister who's the only one he trusts and very close, they call each other almost everyday since they are in different cities, his exs and everybody. He said I should feel lucky if he can talk to others cause when he's angry he doesn't have to abreact on me. Isn't he a jork? Is he right or what I think is right? What adventages can he take from telling others my bad? I don't know how to face those people when i know he told them about us. :(
Thank you all for ur attention here and ur help. I really appreciate it.
To Larrylou’smom,
Thank you.
The part u said were not understand, was mostly saying our complicated marriage.
I’m clear and understand for the reminding from everyone to let me be prepared for the day we separate. So I said no worse that the result of divorce. That’s certainly not what I want, I don’t want to divorce once I got married. But to him, I know he doesn’t want one, at least for now, cause we are new married, he said he loves me, he likes making love to me, but not sure in the future. He said I’m jealous, insecure, immature, and he’ll not play this childish game with me. So I’m not sure how far we can go. Whenever I ask him do u love me? He’ll say of course, or I’d not marry u. He said I was the first one and the only one that he took to see rings, ever thought about getting married and having children. He loves me, I know it too, and he knows I’d do things to please him. But I just don’t understand why he is still keeping in touch with other women, like what’s the point? I just knew that he would go meet another woman tomorrow. That’s a woman he listed in the Fine Women catalog on his aim list. I don’t know what’s the necessity to go meet another woman or keep in touch with those exs even they have a bad mouth while saying loves me.
I asked him would he go meet other girls without letting me know? He said he doesn’t have to , it doesn’t matter with who he meets who he calls or who he talks with or texts, just like none of my business. What can I say whenever he says it’s none of my business? Isn’t that my business when he talks about me and our arguments? Isn’t that my business if my husband goes to someone else? Or just have this kinda possibility? He said I’m very jealous so he would not tell me or let me know anything. I said I might be more suspicious if I found out afterwards. He said u are very jealous now, and no worse than this, either way u’ll be upset, so he’ll not say anything.
About us, we are 25 years apart, we knew each other since Jan and got married in Apr. Not all because we wanted to get married but kind of we had to. But he wouldn’t if he really didn’t want to do that. He runs his own business for a long time, so he thinks he’s a successful man and wealthy and talent and everything. So it’ll not difficult for him to find someone else. There are always gold diggers waiting for someone like this to take advantage of each other and satisfied themselves on their own purpose. Comparing with him, I’m younger, and I’m not that beautiful but not ugly either, so even if we separate, I don’t think I’ll have any problem to find someone else. So I say life will go on even without him, but just I don’t want to yet. I love him not for his money, business or anything, I just love him for himself. But I didn’t know he has that side. He didn’t know me I would be like this, no longer that nice and happy fun girl.
But now, I’ll try to be myself again. I’m working on all the things that everybody helps me and suggests me to do. I wanna be independent, I wanna go to work, earn my money and everything. BTW, I don’t want his money cause I think it’s a wife’s obligation to help my husband, we should together as one, so I don’t get pay from him. He covers most of my Spence, even I don’t feel comfortable with that. So even we went to a mall I’ll not buy anything even I like them. I don’t want to spend his money. And since I have been with him, he has never taken me to any outlets, malls to buy anything, I used to go shopping almost every week before, he only bought me some funny shirts from walmart or cheap places. I can understand him that he needs to gather all the money he could gather to buy the other house, and I volunteered to lend him all the money I had. That’s all the money I earned last year which was the first year I started to work. That’s another reason why he covers me, cause I have no money now.
I know I’ve written too long and everything seems confused and unclear, but that’s what like in my mind now. Confusing and helpless. He’s not fair to me and not worth what I’ve done or how much I’ve loved him I think, it’s me that deserve much better maybe. Anybody can read this all?





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:56 AM.





2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!