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Hi from Sydney!

OK here's the deal, have been going out with girl for 2 months. met her online. Spend almost every day / night together, both report to each other that we're very happy with one another, and seem to have amazing time together. have met familys, friends, officially a couple and have been for about a month.

Anyway, logged into social networking one morning to find it was already logged in as her (the macbook remembers it) ... which is cool ... i didnt realise immediately , and opened a message in inbox from this other guy ... and then could not help myself but read / pry.

He's another guy she'd been chatting to about same time we had met ... they havent actually met. Anyways, the convo back n forward (about each others day to day things and lives, as you do when youre flirting) has been going on right up until about a week ago ... then it goes cold from her perspective she hadnt replied to his last 4 odd messages.

However his last message indicated that she had recently texted him (and he had only offered his number recently) .. and not long before that there he was asking her to go to some event, to which she said she might swing by for sure.

in the conversations also he has asked her about me a few times, she's ignored that, and when reporting to him what she's been up to ... there's been no mention of me at all.

However she DID write back and tell him earlier in the piece that she is seeing someone and that she therefore cant go have one on one lunch with him, but that she could still go to an upcoming event.

They'd also talked about catching up for a drink the other week (i was out with friends that night), about 2 weeks ago.

Am i completely over-reacting?

The reason it irks me is because she has kinda "hidden" it, and has responded to his advances by accepting his phone number and then texting him! ... and i would have thought when you are with someone you dont allow for any other guys to be in the mix (ie when you KNOW someone is chasing you for a date / more than friendship, you should stay away??)

We've both been hurt in the past, both report that we're very loyal type partners and both have said we're exclusive, and happy ... so why this bit of banter goign back n forward between them?

The event she was invited to is ina couple weeks, ive heard nothing of it, perhaps that can be a litimus test ...

im most interested in girls responses here ....
I could be totally wrong since I've never met your girl, but it seems she's mostly guilty of being naive. Seems she's trying to keep this guy in the "friend zone" and thinks she can, but he has other ideas, and she's not wise to it.

This is tricky. On the one hand, it's only been two months, That's not very long at all. On the other hand, you've both agreed to be exclusive, so I can't really condone what she's doing. She really should have told you about this other guy and asked you how you felt about her just being friends with this guy. If I were you, I'd ask her about it, VERY CALMLY, very unemotionally, and very UNaccusing, something like "honey, I'm really sorry, I honestly didn't mean to snoop, but I tried to log onto this site and your profile was already there, it saved your log in, and I saw this communication from this guy. It's got me concerned. Are you seeing him, or do you think you want to? Do you want to reconsider being exclusive with me?' And hopefully a mature, unheated, honest, mutually respectful dialogue will follow and you two will reach an understanding. Most of all, remember to keep your cool. You don't want to box her into a corner or say something in the heat of the moment that you can't take back.
[QUOTE=Larrylou'smom;4030737]I could be totally wrong since I've never met your girl, but it seems she's mostly guilty of being naive. Seems she's trying to keep this guy in the "friend zone" and thinks she can, but he has other ideas, and she's not wise to it.

This is tricky. On the one hand, it's only been two months, That's not very long at all. On the other hand, you've both agreed to be exclusive, so I can't really condone what she's doing. She really should have told you about this other guy and asked you how you felt about her just being friends with this guy. If I were you, I'd ask her about it, VERY CALMLY, very unemotionally, and very UNaccusing, something like "honey, I'm really sorry, I honestly didn't mean to snoop, but I tried to log onto this site and your profile was already there, it saved your log in, and I saw this communication from this guy. It's got me concerned. Are you seeing him, or do you think you want to? Do you want to reconsider being exclusive with me?' And hopefully a mature, unheated, honest, mutually respectful dialogue will follow and you two will reach an understanding. Most of all, remember to keep your cool. You don't want to box her into a corner or say something in the heat of the moment that you can't take back.[/QUOTE]

She has said in the past that she's a very open happy bubbly kinda girl and guys alllll the time take it the wrong way, try and hit on her, or even accuse her of leading them on ... and that she just doesnt 'get that' cause in her head she wasnt even thinking about them that way.

So perhaps you're right ... but shes not stupid! She's been through enough things in her life to know whats what, and surely knows it's not kosher to continue pursuing a friendship with a guy who you've never met, and you met on a dating site.

On the other hand though she did turn him down for one on one lunch on the basis she's seeing someone ... but doesnt explain why she took his number and then contact him as little as a week ago.

Youre right , 2 months is not much time and i guess maybe in her head she's just liking having someone to flirt along with???

She'd also said to him that shes taking things very very slowly with her new guy (about the only reference to me at all...) ... which is the dead opposite of reality, we've been completely inseperable since day one ... and both of us are very very unlike that usually (hence it's been bloody awesome...)

Still weirds me out as it seems to contradict her stated morals.

Dont think i could raise it with her without her thinking i'd "snooped" ... thats a trust killer in it's own right.





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