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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hi all,

Well, I have been best friends with Susan (not real name) for 35 years and we always remained close. Well, Susan has a daughter (Debbie) who is 18 now and I think the daughter is spoiled but I do not express those thoughts to Susan as in Susan's eyes, her daughter can do no wrong.

Well, Debbie got pregnant at 16 and she is a great mother if I say so myself. She has been with her bf (the father) for about 7 years. There was talk of marriage but their relationship is changing. Debbie had another baby 2 months ago and father did not want her to have this baby but to abort it but Debbie does not believe in that.

Well, Susan (best friend) calls me last night and tells me that her daughter wants to break up with BF and get her own mobile home (they live in a very small town). Debbie naturally doesn't work and her mother Susan (and husband) are older, works, but are having really bad money problems (they always have money problems). Yet when Debbie wants something, Susan does everything she can to get it for her.

I think this is enabling her daughter, please correct me if I am wrong.

My best friend is blaming everything on the BF saying he has an anger problem. I said "Susan, there are always 2 sides of every story"... I met BF several times and he is a nice guy and I never sensed any anger issues. I think he feels pressured because he has 2 children now and Debbie always wants everything her way.

Then I said to her "I see BF giving up so much and being a great father, what is Debbie giving up or compromising?".. BF did not want to have a 2nd baby but Debbie does want she wants anyway. And as far as Debbie wanting a mobile home I asked "who is going to buy it?" and best friend answered something about taking out a personal loan. But best friend and her husband need a new roof on their house and they are facing possible foreclosure. Also, daughter never learned how to drive so my best friend takes the 1-1/2 year old to day care before she goes to work.

Why not teach daughter how to drive and become independent? Maybe my best friend doesn't want her daughter to become too independent? I don't know.

The bottom line is I don't know what to say to my best friend and I don't want her to get angry at me (she might be already). We have the type of relationship where we are blunt and honest with each other but I do have to remember that when it comes to her daughter, I have to be careful.

Any thoughts on how I should handle this or should I mind my own business?

Sunny





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