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I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years now and things are going great. recently we moved in together for a while while his parents where away for 4 months (im 22, he's 21). Ive always noticed he gets irritated easily but while we where living together i was there when he got angry. I was down stairs and he was up stairs on the computer, the internet was running slow. I heard him start swearing and some banging so i went up to see what was wrong. He looked pissed off and angry but i remembered what he'd told me on a previous ocassion that when he gets "frusterated" as he calls it that i should go to him and let him know i love him. so i went up the stairs even with him yelling for me to leave him alone. i asked him what was wrong and he said the internet was running slow then started swearing at the modem and hittinng it against the wall. Not content with that he ripped it from the wall and smashed it to the floor, repetedly. Before sitting on his chair in a huff. i went to comfprt him and he promptly burst into tears and started saying he was sorry. I know he loves me but i wonder weather if i'd been in the way if he would have hurt me by mistake? This isnt the only time he's been 'frusterated' but its the biggest outburst ive seen from him. His father left when he was born and his mum has been with this guy ever since. from what he's told me the guy used to beat his mum when he got angry and used to hurt my partner on occassion to. i think his is a learnt behaviour and he doesnt really know any other way to express his anger. When i ask him about it he says that ever guy gets "frusterated" and punches walls and things. But i worry that it wont get any better. My mum tells me i try to hard to pasify him and make him feel ok. I dont know, does anyone have similar stories? or know of a way i can help him to express his anger in a better way? thanks
he he he yeah i did try to explain the modem issue to him lol

do you think though that prehaps im over reacting and that its like he says, that people do just get angry and guys tend to hit walls and things?
It's totally NOT normal for a guy to punch the wall when he gets angry. The only reason why he said that to you is because he thinks you're naive enough to believe him and because he is trying to justify what he did. This guy is really bad news. Today it's the modem and the computer, tomorrow it could be your face.

Guys with anger problems will only get worse and it will only escalate if they first don't admit they have a very serious problem and second don't get some major help for it. He is in complete denial of his problem by telling you it's normal that all guys do it. That is totally and completely false! Don't you believe him!

Listen, you must be very inexperienced and young to put up with this kind of thing, but I'm telling you now that if you stay with this guy, his violence will escalate and you will be hurt or killed at some point. It's inevitable with a guy who refuses to acknowledge he has a problem and won't get help for it. There's nothing you can do to make him well because he has to be the one to realize he has a problem and he has to want to get help.

Don't waste your time trying to save this guy. I've spent most of my dating years trying to save guys from various issues they were having only to end up with the short end of the stick and it was to my own detriment anyway. It was a complete waste of time. Tell him flat out that if he has an outburst like that again you're done with him and that you know it's not normal for normal guys to punch the wall when they get angry.
I dont know, that seems kind of harsh, he's the sweetest guy ive ever known (excpet when he's angry) and i know he'd never hurt me on purpose. I think if i can understand more about how he's feeling then i will be able to better respond to his outburst and help him see they do no good and help him to curve his "frustration" on other things...
Being frustrated is one thing, he's not showing frustration he is showing anger. There is a huge difference between the two! Frustrated is like, ok well that sucks and I'm really annoyed but whatever. But angry is ripping the modem out of the wall and smashing it and insisting that punching the wall is normal behavior.

He is feeding you a line and you're buying it. You need to seriously wake up and see what's happening here. He's lying to you about his anger management issues. Boys who grow up seeing their moms get beat up and who also get beat up by the father figure in the home always end up with serious emotional damage that makes them think that kind of behavior is ok and acceptable. He is already proving that to you with this line about punching the wall. He thinks it's normal when in fact it's completely abnormal. That's just the tip of the iceberg. How many other abnormal reactions to things is he going to try to pass off to you as being due to his "frustration" when in fact it's clear to everyone that he's actually just an angry guy?

There's just something really weird about this guy. It's not normal.
lol! yes i think THAT would appeal to him more. thankyou :)
Its nice to know that people think it is possible to work through anger issues. They are just so new to me, no one in my family is angry or easily irritated.





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