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Low -- and jealous!
Jul 21, 2009
I've posted often here so some may know my story. About one month ago, my boyfriend of 15 months ended our relationship. I am 29 and he is 34. It had been tumultuous and had recently become long distance and he had quite a few red flags, but I loved him without condition and overlooked the baggage. Unfortunately, he became disinterested in continuing and we ended things. He has contacted me a few times, but I am strict on no contact and have not replied. It's been a hard month, but I am focusing on moving ahead and know, as much as it hurts, it is the best decision to be apart.

What I was not expecting during this breakup, was to become so upset all over again of the big breakup I had [B]before[/B] this one. It's like all the feelings of being dumped by the old ex have flooded in and I am dealing with the past two rejections rather than just the relationship that ended with the new ex in June.

With the old ex, I was completely in love with him and was so certain we'd have a life together. We were together for 2+ years, never argued, did holidays, trips, everything together. He ended things very unexpectedly, telling me he did not know what he wanted. I was completely crushed and it took me a long time to pick up the pieces. I got a new job, new apartment, new car, started new activities, got in better shape, saw a therapist and eventually began dating and fell in love with someone new (new ex). The old ex and I were never in touch after the breakup. Through mutual friends I knew he had not dated anyone during the two years following our breakup and that he had confided that marriage and family was not for him (he is 35). It was some measure of comfort, a reason I could put on the breakup, since I had always had a hard time understanding why. I guess I never truly got over him. I am constantly thinking of him now.

Recently, I've learned he has been serious with a new girl. I've heard a bit about her and have seen photos from mutual friends. She is adorable, accomplished and seems like a great girl, perfect for him. While I do wish him the best, I am still hurt, even two years after our relationship ended. And I am so incredibly jealous of her. At 33, when we broke up, he had decided I wasn't right, he didn't want to continue and that he did not want to marry. I imagine if he is serious with someone so wonderful that he has likely changed his mind. Now at 35, maybe he is ready for that life, and she is the lucky one to get it with him.

Obviously I am down and lacking good esteem coming off of a breakup. But I am reliving the breakup of the old ex, too. And that hurts to much, almost more than the emotions with the new ex. I keep picturing them together, laughing and taking the trips, seeing the friends, having holidays with his family just as I had done with him. And I still so wish it was me.

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