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[QUOTE=writeleft;4051297]Hi Dolejay,

Respectfully, I still disagree with your parenting plan.

The more you explain, the worse it gets. I can assure you that I have read every word of your thread, and the more I read, the more disgusted I get. The minute details make your story worse and worse.

Your child is screaming for help, and you suggest he goes to his room, because he "likes" being alone? Of course, if it is between being yelled at by a grown man, or being alone, what is he supposed to do?

When teaching your children respect, you have to live in a respectful environment, modeling the behavior. It's very simple, and it works perfectly.

Your boyfriend was raised in another era, you say, but you picked him for you, not for your son. No child wants what he has gotten, but he can't do a thing about it. Allowing a man to parent your child in a way that is against your morals, and values is a cop out, in my opinion.

Your child has had several men in his life already, but only one mother. He is depending on you for protection, unconditional love and emotional support. It is your job alone to provide these things for your son every minute of everyday. Allowing anyone else to over ride your position, simply pulls the rug out from your child's self esteem, and can lead to lifelong problems.

He needs help, and so do you. Please get the counseling you both need to get passed this stalemate you are in. You can't change your boyfriend, but you can change your priorities toward your son. This story needs a hero, and that hero is you!

Honestly, I mean you no disrespect or hard feelings. You asked for others opinions, and these are mine. My opinion is based on being a single mom for the last 25 years, and fighting against these same issues you are. I never let my own relationships get in the way of my first job, which is being a parent.

That explains why you got such short, direct replies...the details don't matter-it's the bottom line that counts. I wish you and your dear son a better future...:)[/QUOTE]

I respect all opinions, it never means anyone is right or wrong they are opinions...and I do understand what you are saying and I respect your opinion...Maybe w/ the setting aside of my partner ordeal maybe you might be of some help w/ something w/ my son as you have been a single parent...I didn't want to say much more about my son, beings he is my son and I know he has issues, he has had them for 12 yrs, they just got worse, some people judge him and think he just needs to have someone strict in his life and I don't feel that is the answer....He is my only child of 4 that has those kind of issues, The rest of my children, set aside my child that is severally disabled, are easier to talk with and more understanding when I ask something of them that all parents may ask, sure they have their cocky moments, there kids but, he always had problems at school,babysitters, his dad, his dads wife and we did the counseling and they told me that he has problems w/ authorities and that he needs to learn consequences of his actions...and I am not saying they are not right, but I look further more deeply of things....My son threatened a teacher when he was in 1st grade, 7 yrs old he threatened to bomb the school of course the school didn't tell me these things until several weeks later....Even though I have been caring for my child that is severally multiply disabled I still did not pull all my attention just on him, I always tried to divide my attention out equally. I didn't date for quite some time and if I did date I did not bring them around my kids, beings I personally was not ready for that...Me and my son take walks every evening together and just talk or act silly, talking about just anything just me and him so I am hoping that he will open up to me.My oldest boy was rough on him when they were growing up and being a single parent my oldest boy felt he had the right and he did not..If a child likes to be alone doesn't mean that they are crying out for help as you may think because I was just like that, it was I didn't want to be bothered...Prior to this house we live in, our houses that we had before which was 2 places the houses were small , well actually 3 bdrm and the situation of having a house that was acceptable for a handicap my son had a bed in my room, so he was not a person that was alone a lot when growing up...actually that is where he felt his own bed but in moms that he is older he likes the idea of he has his own room....

The school suggested that he needed medication and I have taken him to the doctor and he was tested for many things and the doctor said he is a typical kid but just quick tempered....But, what ever the reason he has always told me I am the only one he feels he can talk to and that he don't know why he is angry and he has been telling me that for at least 6 yrs...we have done writing techniques, poetry( he likes to write)...
I try not to judge him, and let him be himself so he isn't always trying to be someone he is expected of, in return I get criticized for that and people tell me I hoover over him way too much and stand to his defense when he is mean to people....maybe I do, but that is because I look at him differently...I know it is different for people that may only have one child vs people that have more, and it is harder for others to understand, but if they don't understand to at least respect what I am asking for my son right now, hey if my way don't work, them maybe I will try the more put my foot down and more stern as I keep being told that is what is needed. My son loves heavy metal/rock music, his hair is extremely long, and yes he has that bad boy image, but isn't really who he is....He got pushed around at school and finally one day he retaliated and now that is held against him as well. I realize his teachers, doctors, counselors and even my partner are correct being they all seem to say the same thing, but to me you handle children w/ care and let them know that in the tone as you speak w/ them...but no matter how much I ask people to talk to him calmly even if he is yelling at you, just to be patient and he will in return try to be calm as well, because that is what he does with me, but I am not blind and yes I do see he wants no one to tell him the hows, whys or wheres of life..but how do I get all these people to not make him nor me to feel he is being attacked by these people? Every child is different just like him and my oldest boy they are as different as night and day....I was a step mom and I took a lot of disrespect and my husband would never speak up and I know its hard, but every time I would deal w/ being disrespected or my kids things were gotten into, I always tried to talk w/ my step children w/ care even though I was frustrated and mad I was able to do it, so why can't others do the same with my son....I'm not asking them to give him what he wants just be a little more caring and less expectations....

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