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Relationship Health Message Board

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This morning it's hitting me pretty hard. I did speak to him this morning- now all of a sudden he didn't call the police, insurance or the FBI.... He's being pretty civil and ok but I dont trust him for a minute.
It seems that suddenly we are on the same page. We aren't happy together, haven't been in a long time and the issues over the last few days were just the icing on the cake. The relationship was doomed from the start, I've always knew that deep inside, I think he did too.
As much as I loved him I can't say that I ever felt comfortable in my own skin. I had to watch what I said so an fight was avoided, I lost pretty much all of my friends because of him. The told me from the get go to get out- they could see the stress of the relationship eating me alive. But No, I was blinded and just figured that he was going through some hard times but things would pan out. When we met he was still in court all the time for his daughter, zoned out on psych meds, his dad had just killed himself a year before. I felt bad for him. I thought I could make him happy, but I always kinda knew it wouldn't work.
There has been a lot of resentment on both sides for a LONG time. He claims I lie to him all the time- not true. There have been times when I haven't told him everything about one thing or another but not to hide things... to me they were stupid things that didn't matter. Example... I say to him "I left work and came home", but I really ran into a shop or something for 10 minutes on the way. To me my 10 minute detour was so brief that I didn't think it was even worth mentioning. Or I would tell him about something in the past and because I didn't tell it the same way (left out or included more details about it while telling the story) I was lying. That sort of thing would happen all the time.
He can twist anything into lying so he has never trusted me about anything.
He would verbally abuse me- call me etc. Then there was the incident where he attacked me in the middle of the night, threw me around, choked me and put a 10 gauge shotgun in my face.

There's so much more to this obviously but the more I type the more mad at myself I get for letting someone dictate how I should, feel, act, live etc. I lost myself through this relationship. I stopped caring about me and it was all about him. I forgot who I was and I let him make me feel ashamed of myself when the "me" I used to be would have the balls to come out. So sad, confused, sick to my stomach and lonely.

Thank you everyone I can't say it enough. Thank you for getting involved.

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