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[QUOTE=desertgirl;4049786]It gets better... he swore he'd call me tonight (I didn't ask him to, he volunteered) and he just texted me (at 11:40) saying that he hoped my night was okay and his was all right. He is going to stay at Michael's tonight because he's drunk. I did ask him not to get drunk, because I do not like or trust Michael, and he always "somehow" persuades my boyfriend into drinking when he, "really didn't want to, but Michael talked me into it."

I just sent back two nasty texts and am going to shut off my phone. I don't know what to do! I'm so angry, I cannot possibly talk to him for awhile... I might not even do so tomorrow.

Why is it he turns into such an ass hole around this guy? He told me that they didn't want to have a huge party because Michael's wife HAS CANCER, but they all got so drunk that they have to spend the night there? How's that for respecting your sick wife? I hate this guy and, right now, I hate my boyfriend. It's the only way I can protect myself from the hurt. Cause it really does hurt....[/QUOTE]

Wow - I thought this Michael character was a jerk even BEFORE you said he was married, and to a woman who is battling for her life no less. This guy is one sorry excuse for a husband. Because, consider, all the time your boyfriend is not spending with you, that's also time Michael is not spending with his sick wife, helping her around the house, maybe doing some light shopping for her, anything to make her life easier, unless the vitamins were for her, which I doubt. It could be there's a lot of unspoken stuff going on, like perhaps Michael is getting drunk, wanting to hang out with the guys, keeping away from his wife, keeping girlfriends away, etc. because he can't handle his wife's illness. But he will be very very sorry for handling it in such a selfish, immature way one day. And it's not fair of him to suck your boyfriend into it, and really dim witted of your boyfriend to go along and not encourage his good friend to face his responsibilities and tackle his problems and demons head on.

As for your boyfriend, there is one big, huge glaring fact that you seem to be avoiding facing, the big pink elephant in the room you are trying so hard not to look at - and that is the simple fact that, your boyfriend just likes Michael more than he likes you. Your boyfriend kind of sounds like a "bros before ho's, chicks come and go but bros are for life" kind of guy. You asked in your first post, "how can I show him I don't want to control him, I just want him to treat me with consideration and respect." Well, you can't show him what he doesnt' want to see. He already thinks he's treating you with all the respect and consideration you deserve. That's why he sees no problem with it and why he's made no attempt, and has even flat out told you he has no intention, of changing.

You have a choice to make. Either accept that this is just who your boyfriend is, and get used to always taking a back seat to Michael, or go find a more mature guy who is done separating from mommy and identifying with daddy and is ready to have a female partner as an equal. A guy who isn't already involved in such a hot and heavy bromance and who can and will make his relationship with you a priority. You have to decide if all the other things you get out of being this guy's girlfriend is worth always coming in second, or not. Is he worth risking missing out on a good relationship with a man who will treat you like the queen of his world? Of course, you might not ever find that guy, and that's a risk you take when leaving a relationship, but even if you were on your own and living your life on your own terms, would that be better or worse than always feeling like you're not good enough to be put first even some of the time? Think long and hard on it, but make no mistake, you will not succeed in bullying, nagging, cajoling, coercing, griping, manipulating, begging or pleading or talking your boyfriend into WANTING to put you first. If he really wanted to put you first, if he felt you deserved to be put first, he would put you first. Men are pretty simple creatures. They do what makes them happy, they do what they want, and they tell you every day in a million different ways who they are and who you are to them. You just have to start listening.





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