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[QUOTE=Larrylou'smom;4055509]I don't believe that just because you don't like your boyfriend looking at porn 4 times a week, that automatically means you're insecure. I have pretty much zero telerance for porn and it has nothing at all to do with insecurity. I personally feel it's degrading to women, men who watch it tend not to have a very realistic, healthy or respectful view of women as partners or as fellow human beings, and it has everything to do with pure sexuality and physicality and nothing at all to do with emotion or love. I would think it would be pretty easy to feel like nothing but a piece of warm meat being with a man who watches a lot of porn and who tends to think of sex in terms of just pure physicality and doesn't see it as having anything at all to do with emotional intimacy or love.

I don't believe he says to himself "boy I'd rather be with this chick than Springday!" I don't really think that's what porn is about to most men, but it does tend to desensitize. I think you need to be honest with yourself first of all. If you have an issue with porn, then don't tell your boyfriend you don't. If you do have insecurities, then that's something you can work on as well. Even if you don't absolutely love your body the way it is, I think you can still accept it and be ok with what you have to work with, knowing you do your best to look as good as you can, and that it's not a competition. Even if you were Giselle, there is still always someone out there younger and hotter and sexier. Security [B]doesn't[/B] come from knowing that you're the hottest sexiest woman around. That's not what sex is really all about anyway, when two people really love each other and have that emotional intimacy and connection. The security comes first, from inside, knowing you are a strong, smart, attractive, worthy woman with a lot to bring to the table, and that you've picked a man who really respects and appreciates all you are, and that he's your best friend and you have such a connection and a bond that Megan Fox, Giselle, and Angelina Jolie could all come up and sit on his lap and he'd smile and say "wow. thanks ladies, I'm flattered, but I'm taken" and take your hand, give you a kiss and leave with you. Like Dr. Phil said, a good man who really loves you will make sure you know that you've got "the best deal in the room", meaning you've got a good man who is with you no matter what. And if a man doesn't want to be that for you, hasta la vista baby.

I think men will always want to look at pretty, sexy naked young women, it's only natural. But if he does it so much that he's making you feel neglected, or that these other women are more desirable than you, or that he'd rather watch porn than be with you, or treats you disrespectfully or cruelly if you don't want to do all the things he sees in these movies or whatever, then that's when it gets to be a problem. And that's not just you being insecure.[/QUOTE]

Hi Larrylousmom, I agree with you that security must come from within. Even though someone is not the "hottest" or most attractive, security comes from knowing that you possess qualities that outshine any physicial characteristics. Given that, my bf does compliment me on all my traits, from my physical attractiveness to my intelligence, to my humor and the fact that we share a lot of the same interests, like biking, running, dining out, concerts, movies, etc. So I am confident that he appreciates in me more than just physical traits. He has never made me feel neglected or that other women are more desirable than me. In fact, if someone supermodel celebrity were to come on to him like you mentioned, I think he probably would respond the way you said. I don't doubt his love for me. He even tells me he loves me when we are being intimate with one another.

He really is a great guy, who exhibits more patience with me than I probably deserve, especially when I pepper him with questions pertaining to my insecurities. Why must I do this? How do I stop feeling this way?





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