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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hi, I am new to these boards, so please be kind....I've been going through some issues with my boyfriend lately and I'm really hoping you all can help me out.

My problem is that insecurities have always plagued me in relationships. This stems from 3 prior long-term relationships where lying was a big problem and eventually led to the break-ups. My prior boyfriends all had issues with honesty and would always lie to me about various things (from school-related issues, to other women, to looking at porn, etc. etc.) It got to the point where I developed major trust issues. I didn't know if they were telling me the truth or not and then I would find out that they were lying to me for months. I had to see a therapist because of all the lies and even had some suicidal thoughts. I was a total emotional mess.

I'm now in a relationship with my current boyfriend, who I've been dating for about 10 months now. We've actually been friends for many years and have the same mutual friends. He has been very good to me. He's supportive, loving, caring, and devoted to me. He knows about all the stuff I went through with my exes and is very aware of all the insecurities I have. We talk about my issues often and he does try to remain patient with me and reassure me that he won't lie to me, like the others. I really can see myself marrying him but I'm afraid that I don't have the strength to get rid of all my insecurities. :(

The issue that has been really bothering me lately is that I know my boyfriend watches porn, usually on the Internet. Initially, I told him I didn't have a problem with it. I think I was trying to convince myself that I didn't have a problem with it but it was still kinda bothering me, although I didn't let on. He told me that since we started dating he doesn't do it nearly as often as he used to, maybe once a week, compared to every day before we started dating. He said that lately, though, it's been more often, like maybe 3-4 times a week. (We only see each other on the weekends since he lives an hour away).

He said that when he watches it, he's picturing us doing those things in the scene, that he doesn't watch porn to check out other women, but to give himself a visual of what we could be doing when we are intimate. He told me that when he is watching it he is thinking about us and what we could be doing. I want to believe that's the truth and that he's not doing it just to check out other women. My fear is that since he is watching it more often now, he is substituting what he's seeing on the screen with actual memories he has of himself with me. [B][I]Why can't he just rely on our intimate memories rather than having to turn to porn? [/I][/B]

I know my issue might sound really lame, but I've had insecurities about porn even before him. I want to be able to overcome this. I don't want to ruin what I have with him.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I don't have anyone to talk to about this because I'm really embarrassed that I'm insecure about this.

Thank you....





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