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Relationship Health Message Board


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I am new to this forum and came across it when searching about bad tempers. I just wanted some advice. I have been with my boyfriend 7 years and we have been living together for 3 of these years. He gets extremely angry over the smallest things. Once I lost one of his socks doing our laundry and he completely flipped out on me. He threw the other sock at me and we spent the next hour looking for the second sock while he muttered to himself and called me careless and incompetent. Yet he rarely helps around the house and when he does he makes a big deal of it and I better express my gratitude. He is not generally violent although he did slap me once hard on my leg when I complained he was driving too fast. He has also grabbed my wrists to the point of bruising me after I did not wipe the kitchen counter after dinner (his worst outbursts are over the dumbest things). He gets really grumpy when I go out with friends (although would never admit he is jealous). If I wear something slightly sexy to work he gets very suspicious and asks me who I am dressing up for.

After his temper tantrums, he is extremly loving for the next few weeks and everything normalizes until the next outburst. I dont know what to do. I think when I first met him I was attracted to his sternness but now that I have matured its getting to me. We are going to have a baby in 6 months. Any advice. He does not want to go to anger management as he thinks his tantrums do not happen often enough. But they are bad enough that I cower when he yells at me and I am always scared that he will lose control and hit me (normally he hits other things like walls). He is very successful and makes a lot more money then me which I think contributes to the one-sided nature of the relationship.
[QUOTE=rudiraven;4065893]I've read all the other posts and agree 100%. Leopards don't change their spots!! Be very careful when you do go back to him. He's not showing it now, but he's very angry that his friend knows of his behavior and came to talk with him. He's embarrassed that you shared "private business" and he will let you know, too. I appreciate the fact that you want this to work out, but the chances are very slim that he will change. I wish you well and please be safe. Stay in touch so we know how it's going :angel:[/QUOTE]

rudiravan is right. HIS friend knowing his dirty secrets will just give him more fuel for his next outburst.

I didn't mention it in my previous post, but during our first separation, I insisted he go to counseling, I go to counseling, and we go to counseling. My solo counseling helped me a great deal in being stronger when I needed it after our first separation. I don't know what exactly went on during his solo counseling sessions, but our joint sessions were a joke. He was sorry, he was going to change...and then when we'd leave, he'd say, "I can't believe you told him/her that." And yes, we tried multiple counselors, because to him, they were always "against him." Once the medication kicked in, things were better, as long as he took it. Which was another issue.

You should not go back until the counselor believes it's safe for you and the baby. And even then, they are good at fooling a few counselors. Making an appointment is not enough. He will come up with many excuses to cancel the appointment. In the beginning, I was stood up many times when we were supposed to meet at the counselor's office.





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