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Hi, this is Mrs. selfluvin, I am thankful that I was able to vent my frustrations in here and had gathered some ideas and opinions from all of you. I greatly appreciate all of your support and emphaty to my husband and me.

We had a huge fight last night and it make me scared of him because he was yelling into my face, it was my fault as well because I yell the woman's name and that triggered him and did more than what I did to him. I understand how he vents himself just to him understand me and how frustrated he got, that inspite of what he is saying I am hearing a different thing which is obvious to what Larrylou's Mom is understanding.

Larrylou's Mom, I thank you that at least you also understand what I am hearing from my husband, it doesn't matter anymore if it will hurt me, I guess I will have to change myself by understanding him that he has a flawed personality, loving him more which I don't know how and being a more supportive wife to him in his daily endeavor and hope that my marriage will still work. He said that nothing of us is special in our partnership, that we both are equal, that I am not a princess and he is not my slave. I guess, I should just shift my mind into positivity and if or when negativity will come I will just find a way to open it to him in a more positive way I could. And yes, Larrylou's Mom, I feel so guilty everytime he opens about his best friend that he cut-off. Even when it was his decision to cut their contacts together, I feel so ashame of myself that he told her the reason of why he needs to cut their friendship and how he expose my disease (jealousy and downfall) to his best friend. I don't have anymore face to show her, that everytime he touches that issue, I feel so guilty above all and how I imagine the laugh of that woman seeing how desperate and weak I am. I see what he did to that woman and how he gives the info about me and my negativity. Thus, basically is showing how ugly I was to her thoughts and since was a good person that she deserves an explaination from my husband which show that my husband is doing this for my own peace of mind and it I know that it hurts him that he did that to this best friend. It was not actually a decision that he made for himself but it was a decision that he has to make because of me. I never wanted to hurt you with this my love, I don't want to be defensive to you, no offense regarding this, I am just trying to type whatever I have in my mind by this time and I wanted to just let it go by not oppressing myself with those negative thoughts in my mind.

I did post this thread to again to vent my frustrations to myself and to my husband in the thought that he finds it ridiulous and destructing in so many ways that didn't even exist to him at all. I guess, we women always exaggerate the scenario to the worst and find the advantage side of us which I guess is common to our survival as a woman. I accept to myself that I am very sensitive emotionally and I have a conscience who dictates and make me feel guilty when I knew that it wasn't right at all. This best female friend issue always triggers me because the consequence of that decision is my responsibility that I should be dealing with it everytime that is on the table.

I apologize to his friend, that yes, what my husband did was to choose between her and me and he did chose me. But, I wanted him to chose me without giving me the guilt over and over again, that I shouldn't face everyday thinking of what he did to his best friend because of me and I know there is a strategy behind what he did to his Best female friend. It is just the same as he needs to kill this other woman so that he can prove to me how much he loves me, and I know it is not appropriate, it is irrational to do it. And when time comes, he will use that drastic decision to me and let me see how he was hurting of doing that to his best female friend as a sacrifice to make our marriage work. I didn't decide for him to cut those strings between him and the best friend, but I feel responsible for what he did.

I am sorry, I was repeating myself over and over again in there. I wanted to have a beautiful relationship with my husband, I know that beccause of that insecurity that I have, we loosen our trust and love to each other. We are losing each others hope to pursue our dreams together, I know he is right it is not because he is more intelligent than me but because he is a man. I know how firmly he stands to what he believes and I always appreciate his thoughts and his love to me. He always say that I bring beauty into his life and I guess by just looking back to what he has and we have done together would give us both a little light. I wish I could still hope for something better for both of us and this best friend issue will die and that way we could move on together. I love my husband and my emotional stability jeopardizes my relationship with him, if I am just smart in coping up with my marriage life, nothing of this will even happen at all. I wish life was more easier than before and I empathized with him. This is not about me. It is about him and me.





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