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Break up
Sep 8, 2009
My boyfriend of over 2 years and I broke up tonight. We lived together and had a dog together, making it that much harder. We'd been having some trust/honesty issues throughout our entire relationship and it finally all came to a head tonight. He has trouble being open and honest about things... even little things that don't matter. We were trying to work on it...well at least I was! Tonight I found out that he had called his ex gf, who he supposedly ran into at the gym, and they went out for coffee last week. When confronted, he admitted it all (who knows if more happened or not!) and when I told him we were supposed to be working on things, he told me that sometimes he has doubts and he's not sure he's happy with us. Then he took it all back and tried to say that he's happy and he loves me, he's just not sure if he's the "marrying type". We haven't talked about marriage in depth, but it was kind of assumed we were headed that way. I asked him why he hasn't said anything to me and he said "how do you say that to someone". He tried to take back the "I'm not happy part" and tried to say he's just confused and scared sometimes. Anyway, I basically said ok, that's all the information I need and I left. Luckily, my mom lives only 15 mins away so I can stay with her.

I'm heartbroken, confused, hurt and really angry. I'm mad that he betrayed me and lied and went behind my back (I feel like he cheated on me!). I'm mad and hurt that he's not happy with me and hasn't been for a while and I had no idea. I was perfectly happy with him (aside from his lying problem) and I saw a future with us. I planned my whole future around him and I planned on marrying him. It hurts so bad to know that he doesn't and never saw that with me. It makes me wonder what's wrong with me?!?

This all just happened tonight but I'm going from crying and hurt to mad and wanting to punch him in the face, lol. I want to punch him for wasting over 2 years of my life, I'm mad at him for lying and betraying me when I NEVER did anything like that to him, EVER. I'm hurt that he doesn't love me the way I thought he did and that he wasn't happy with me.

I'm so scared and confused right now and don't know where to go from here. I've started looking at apartments/roommates, but it's just so scary to picture myself living with a roommate and not him. I've been through breakups before so I know I'll be okay, but I'm at rock bottom right now.

I just keep telling myself that it WILL be okay, it WILL get better. I will go on to find my future husband and I will get married and have kids and a family like I wanted, and I know I'll find that. It's just hard to picture now when for so long, that picture was of my ex.

Anyway, this is kind of just a rant, but any advice on how to keep myself busy and how to handle this would be great. Thanks for reading if you've made it this far!

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