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Mr. too busy for me
Sep 13, 2009
Well I posted last week about the guy I'm seeing and how he seems to enjoy spending time with his friends more than me. When we first met, he did want to go away for a weekend together with me and we did and had fun, a few weekends ago he took me to stay with his friends for a long weekend and it was also a blast. So we're moving along well in this relationship but his devotion to his friends doesn't sit all that well with me. It's not just his friends either, when I ask him if he wants to come somewhere with me on a friday he says he can't because he is having his former teachers over for a bbq. I want to plan something nice for his birthday but he is booked a month ahead and can't tell me when he's free to spend a weekend with me, he has to let me know.

He does include me with his friends, but he usually tells me he won't be able to see me when his friend is in town but then invites me out with his friend, especially if we end up getting together with other couples, everything always has to be in couples and I usually don't get much advance notice. He can't seem to be with me just to be with me, but he's got all of these plans and some of them he wants me to join him on. I asked him if he wanted to visit a friend of mine in Spain and he told me 3 times that we should definitely plan it but then made other plans for a month after that and now can't go. He then invited me to go with him on his trip in December saying, well if we're still hanging out then, I"d love you to join me for part of my trip but I'm going 3 weeks, you can come for 5 days or so. if we're still hanging out then, is that supposed to make me feel good??

He does include me in his life, he has introduced me to tons of his friends but it always seems to be contingent on whether or not we are with other couples, if not, he's not comfortable with it. He's all over me when we're with other couples and calls me his girlfriend. But I want more intimacy. Today he invited me over because he said he was dying to make love to me, which we did and it was great, and he finally was able to finish inside me for the first time ever. then he wanted to get on with his evening.

I sort of critiqued him a bit saying that he's so damn busy I have to book a month in advance. Obviously this guy has issues but I don't want to scare him off. I simply told him that I'm busy too, but he has me beat and that I just want to find the areas where our availabilities overlap so we can do things together. There are so many events that he has mentioned to me in the next few months that I got confused so I asked him to sit down with me and help me figure out what he has in mind. I hope my critiquing wasn't too much. Is it too much to ask that a man treat me like he loves being just with me, for me? I don't want 24/7 attention but I do want a committed relationship and according to him he wants to get married and settle down. He's 43 never married, I'm divorced. I can't imagine a worthwhile woman who's got her own things going on, being able to put up with this long-term. but am i being selfish asking him to commit one weekend to me so we can go away together for his birthday? Or am I nagging and asking too much by telling him that his overbooked schedule is getting on my nerves, we've only been together 2 months.

Advice please
yeah I hear you Larrylou's mom but here's what's confusing, our second date was dinner at his friend's house, most of our dates have been with his friends, he's now introduced me to most of his friends, and yes, as his girlfriend. We went away alone for one weekend and then he took me away to meet his best friends for a weekend. He keeps inviting me to do things with him and his friends. Most of the time, I don't pursue him, i let him pursue me because I'm not sure about him, but he keeps inviting me out and at his friends house we're obviously sleeping together and having sex, he said his friends expect it.

He keeps inviting me to go places with him and his friends, but doesn't seem to crave alone time with me, except to have sex. After two months of this, I figure I can ask him to go somewhere with me, especially for his birthday. When I mentioned the spain thing to him he brought it up and then emailed me that he meant it, he really wants to go to spain and meet my friends. Why is he entitled to ask me to go places with him, to invite me to meet all of his friends, to take me away to stay with his friends for the weekend, but I can't ask him to do anything. He actually seems to work for the CIA and he's extremely careful about certain things he does. I don't actually know what he does, he can't tell me. I can't imagine that between his work schedule and all of his friend time and then me, that he could have time for anyone else. Why would he introduce me to all of his best friends if that were the case.

I just think he's got no concept of how to be in a relationship, that he has to control everything, except when he decided that it's ok for me to make a decision. He must have dated very passive women in the past, those that are willing to deal w/ the relationship on demand type of situation.

All of his friends are married, he has no single friends, he is always hanging out with couples and seems to want me to fill in to be his other half, then put his hands all over me in front of people but in private, when it's just us, he's different.

Should I just consider him a stand in until I meet someone better? I hate being single.

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