It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


OK I posted yesterday but didn't get much response and I really do need some input here so I"m rephrasing my concerns and anxieties with the hope that I'll get more input from all of you.

Ive been dating this guys for 2 months, 43, never married, who is super active, in fact cant' sit still, has to be constantly doing and planning seems to be much more interested in spending time with his friends than me. In the first two months we've had dinner and spent weekends with almost all of his friends, we had one week of dating alone, one week with his friends, one weekend getaway just us, one day just us, and since then, every date is with tons of other people. he has tons of wonderful friends and his friends seem to adore me and keep telling him how amazing I am, they try to befriend me, but seems more comfortable dating in couples than with just me. Does he resent his friends liking me so much? At one point I heard him say to one couple, yeah this is something I really want to do as couples, it would only be fun that way. With his friends it's all jokes, laughs, craziness, and then when he's alone with me, we're having fun but I just can't keep up the steady stream of male jokes.

He's always planning, he wants us to go to the caribbean together, he wants to visit and meet my friends in spain, he wants to meet my friends here in the US, but I can't ever invite him anywhere because he's always busy and with his friends. We met online and in his profile he says he really wants someone who wants to share their life with him. Well I'm trying but he won't let me, he will only share his friends with me.

supposedly he has had tons of girlfriends in the past but now wants to settle and have a family like all of his friends. He's the only one of his friends who is single. Well that's the background. In the last two days he has thrown so many plans and so many dates at me for different things that I've gotten completely confused. I've said to him 3 times that I would love for us to go away for his birthday and that we should go to a B$B in the mountains and he said he would love it. But when I try to get a date somewhere near his birthday, he's booked a month in advance. He tells me that he has a friend coming to visit without his wife and that he cant' see me when the friend is there because it would be awkward if the friend doesn't have someone to be with, then asks me if I have single friends to go out to accompany his married friend. I never bug him about anything, about the fact that when I ask him about making a plan he says well for the next three weeekends I'm booked, he's having all of these people over, never invites me, doesn't ask me to join, but then if there are couples present, he'll call me at the last minute telling me how much he misses me and invites me over. Basically I can't invite him anywhere, he is so busy I just have to wait for him to contact and invite me somewhere.

He can't keep his hand off me physically, he only seems able to be completely comfortable with me when it's something physical, but he has issues, like he cant finish in me, only when he finishes himself. Yesterday he tells me, despite plans to go to spain together, that he's going to panama on vacation for 3 weeks in december to visit friends and if we're still hanging out , could I join him for part of it. I told him I'd love to and I'd check it out. We both have free air tickets and he asked me if I want to go to the caribbean w/ him in the winter, but then he tells me he cashed in that ticket for panama. I got confused with all of the dates he was throwing around for all of these events and I told him that I have a busy schedule too and a lot of work travel and could he help me look at the dates on calendar. So we did and he told me that he has planned various things for us, that he never asked me about. When I asked him when the first time is that he has a free weekend to go away and celebrate his birthday he says that he doesn't know, he's really booked for the next month. Then I commented on how booked his schedule is, that sometimes I feel that I have to book with him a month in advance, that he's really social and is lucky to have so many friends. I also said that I have various things planned and that I'm just trying to work out the areas that overlap where we are both available. He said that he knows he's really busy but that we can always see each other during the week, previously he told me that he doesn't want to hang out during the week because he has to get up early and that only weekends are good. Basically he can see me whenever he has no other plans with friends or when he is getting together with couples and I guess he needs me to be his partner.

He's defining all of this, when we spend time, hanging out with his friends, etc. Of course it's fun, I love it, i enjoy his company but I feel like I crossed the line by asking him to pin down some dates for me. It's just that I have things going on too and he can't just define our social life according to when it works for him. I feel like I pushed too hard on the scheduling thing, and his comment when he invited me to Panama that if we're still hanging out, he'd like me to go, makes me feel like I've crossed some line. Like I may never hear from him again because I pushed too hard. He also said that in the winter we should go somewhere warm so I said that in February we should do the caribbean travel. I love making plans and traveling but I feel like this whole exchange became awkward, that I freaked him out because we talked about future plans through the winter and that was just too much for him. I told him that I don't mean to push him on dates but that I was confused and that my schedule is busy too.

Will this relationship end because I pushed him too hard on dates and want to make a plan for his birthday. Am I to understand that only he can propose and plan things for us? Did I push too hard, did I do something wrong here. I just left with a queasy feeling because it was the first time in 2 months that I expressed my frustration with his booked schedule and that I always seem to be an afterthought, but how can a healthy relationship be founded on that basis?





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:18 AM.





© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!