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[QUOTE=davidh30;4082169]My name is David, recently separated from my wife Lisa, and recently dating a new woman, Emily.
Emily doesn't like it when I go to visit my child (who is 2) at my X's place, which I do about 4x a week.
She would rather my child comes to our place, which is just too inconvenient.
Basically she doesn't want me spending time with my X.
Really though, it's not much time with her, just enough to pick up my child and go to the park to play.
Lisa, my X, doesn't want Emily coming to the park, otherwise that would be a solution.
The only thing I can see, is Emily needs to grow up and realise this is not about her, it's about putting my child first, and respecting that my X is hurt and we don't want to provoke her.

statement from Emily: "I hate Lisa" (Lisa was mean to Emily a few months ago when she and I first got together, and still now when they do cross paths)

statement from Lisa: "this is nothing to do with me. it's a reasonable request that you go to the park with your kid alone. I'm hurt as it is and shouldn't have to let my kid spend time with your new girlfriend"

Emily wants to be able to bond with my child, and doesn't want to be out of the picture.
Emily and I will be getting married soon.

I'd invest pretty much every dollar I could afford if spending money would fix it. I want to spend my life with Emily and I want Lisa to have a happy life and motherhood.

thanks for taking the time to read and reply,
David[/QUOTE]
Hi David, it doesn't get any easier except that if you don't nip it in the bud now it will only get worse with time and then of course you have the added problem of your daughter being resentful to whoever you are going out with or going to marry, girls will be girls they can be so jealous of anyone in their father's life, no matter how nice that new person is or how good that new person is. No-one will ever be good enough. Plus they will feel as if they no longer have all of their daddy's undivided attention, even if they become young teenagers and are busy with their girlfriends, they just want their dad to sit around and be there for them, and not have a life. Sorry to put it so bluntly but that's how it is.
What your ex (Lisa) needs to understand is that you ALL need to do what is right for the child, the child has had enough trauma/drama as it is in their very young life. But in the same breath, your new partner (Emily) needs to bond with your child they need to do this but in time, not right away. Also there will be times once you and Emily are married that YOU will need time alone with your child, so your new wife needs to give you this time out. Even if it's just watching tv and sitting on the couch side by side or putting the lunch together and Emily can be doing other things at that particular time.
As for you seeing your child 4 times per week, why is that? Isn't this disruptive to the child and their routine? Can you not keep to every second weekend or something similar? Children need routine, stability, security, discipline and plenty of love. They will soon play an even bigger part in your future if you do not put in the ground work now while the child is young enough to train. Because they then later on become difficult young adults as you have now found with both Lisa and Emily.
David you need to be alot stronger and put down your foot when it comes to certain things and now would be a good start. If you truly love Emily and want to marry her, you need to include her in your life properly and this means letting her get to know your child, as your child is a part of you. At the same time Emily then needs to allow you quality time / time out with your child. You have to make sure that Lisa is not there with you as this will only make Emily jealous and lose faith in you. It doesn't matter who you are going out with or marrying you have to choose, you can't have Lisa tagging along as this is totally unfair to anyone else you are in a relationship with. Do you understand what I am getting at? Your child is only 2, they are young enough to mould, but the older they get the harder it is so please sort it out now. Good luck. FJ





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