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Confused
Sep 22, 2009
hey guys,

i have been with my boyfriend for 2 years, and have known him for 4. i love him to bits. we have a good life together. he's perfect in so many ways. im 24 and he is ten years older than me. i met him when i was 19 going on 20. i just feel i met him when i was too young. i haven't been out clubbing or parties in about 2 years. at about 22 i kind of got over it and didnt want to go anymore but i was never a major club goer. my bf on the other hand was a major club goer and hes completely over it and doesnt feel comfortable going there. im more into the music festivals now, not the clubs and i have never been to music festivals at all. he thinks its a waste of money and we should aim for our goal in getting a house. we have been saving up for a year now. he said all the people that go to music festivals will get to age 30, 40 and wont have much as they spent their life partying and me at 24 can have a good chance at getting a house paid off by the time im 30. he says financial stability is important and i cant agree more. i just feel as tho im missing out on having fun while im young. we go on a holiday annually and do things together and want to go overseas in a year or 2 and a road trip too. he just thinks clubs and music festivals are a waste of time and he says im overly friendly and cant tell guys to go away. i dont flirt with them but if they say hello, then i say hi back. my bf says i cant have everything. hes not going to stop me from going to those places but he says we will have to part ways. sometimes i feel thats what i should say so i can go on my way but i love him to bits and we have a good life together, i just dont want to resent him years later when my youth has gone. i also dont want to get to the age of 30 with not bf and nothing in my life and go well he was so right in the end.
i have a cousin who is 28 and she has travelled the world. lived in the UK, travelled all of europe, south east asia, australia and now is living in north america. shes had so much fun but she has no savings. my boyfriend says we need to have fun responsibly. im just so confused as to what to do.
Re: Confused
Sep 22, 2009
[QUOTE=mangoes;4083490] [B][U][I]my bf says i cant have everything[/I][/U][/B]. . [B][U][I]my boyfriend says we need to have fun responsibly.[/I][/U][/B] .[/QUOTE]

Is he a preacher, lol?

Hmmm, in a certain way your boyfriend is right, and I wish I had a more pleasing answer to give you. This is a dilemma. What to choose: fun or the future? Can't one have both? It reminds me of the well-known fable by La Fontaine: The ant and the cicada. You would be the cicada, and your boyfriend would be the ant. The ancient original fable has not a happy end, the cicada dying from hunger and cold, because he did not save for the winter and the ant refused to help him. But nowadays there are different and happier versions to the fable. In one of them, in the end the ant gives the cicada a shelter and food for the wintertime and they become friends and dance together. In another, a wise cicada fully accepts his own premature death and doesn't ask for help, because he knows that singing is his fate, and not working. He wouldn't be happy if he had to lead the life of an ant.

[B]You[/B] have a difficult choice to make. What seems unfair is that he doesn't have any choice to make. Either you follow him, or both of you must part. He doesn't offer any other possibility. Actually, what does he mean by "fun with responsibility"? What if you were the man and he were the lady? Again I think the lady would have to make the choice. Could this a case of "machismo" (male dominance)?

I might be wrong again, but it looks like as if only smart people like him can have fun responsibly, this is not for the young and immature like you.

Am I sounding harsh and cruel?
Re: Confused
Sep 22, 2009
[QUOTE=pendulum;4083580]Is he a preacher, lol?

Hmmm, in a certain way your boyfriend is right, and I wish I had a more pleasing answer to give you. This is a dilemma. What to choose: fun or the future? Can't one have both? It reminds me of the well-known fable by La Fontaine: The ant and the cicada. You would be the cicada, and your boyfriend would be the ant. The ancient original fable has not a happy end, the cicada dying from hunger and cold, because he did not save for the winter and the ant refused to help him. But nowadays there are different and happier versions to the fable. In one of them, in the end the ant gives the cicada a shelter and food for the wintertime and they become friends and dance together. In another, a wise cicada fully accepts his own premature death and doesn't ask for help, because he knows that singing is his fate, and not working. He wouldn't be happy if he had to lead the life of an ant.

[B]You[/B] have a difficult choice to make. What seems unfair is that he doesn't have any choice to make. Either you follow him, or both of you must part. He doesn't offer any other possibility. Actually, what does he mean by "fun with responsibility"? What if you were the man and he were the lady? Again I think the lady would have to make the choice. Could this a case of "machismo" (male dominance)?

I might be wrong again, but it looks like as if only smart people like him can have fun responsibly, this is not for the young and immature like you.

Am I sounding harsh and cruel?[/QUOTE]

thank you both for your replies :-)
no i dont think you are being harsh or cruel. sometimes i say, but you have gone to a bar with friends (he very rarely goes, only for a soccer game) and he said that hes a man and he doesnt get raped or pregnant. lol, i didnt say fun with responsibility, i said fun responsibly. like he says its not responsible to go and spend all your money on alcohol and music festivals and raves, and that going out all the time can get old. its nice to save and go on a major holiday where we can go to nice restaurants and drink good wine with good conversation. so instead of doing small things all the time, lets enjoy bigger things on the odd occasion that not everyone does like road trips and travel and buying a house with nice furniture. he says he has more life experience and tells me things for my benefit. he says he knows about the club scene and most guys there just want to pick up. he doesnt want me to be in that environment which is fair enough. i just want to go to the odd music festival, not every week.





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