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Relationship Health Message Board


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I'm not so sure she changed, she just got fed up. I imagine you mean well, but saying you're not putting her down or not being controlling, but you are "just giving your opinion", well, that can be perceived as a put down. Like the boyfriend I had who commented on a friend of mine who always wore lots of makeup, then commented that he noticed I didn't. Then he said "maybe you should". He didn't get why I got upset! Well, to me it sounded like he was not happy with my appearance, or to take it further, that he thought I was ugly and needed to cover up with makeup! Or the "friend" who makes fun of the way you dress, then when you get upset, says "I was just kidding, sheesh!", or says "I'm just trying to help". You may feel you are just giving an opinion, but it may come across as criticism or control.

At 20, she is probably just starting to get a feel of who she is. And part of that can involve her re-evaluating her relationship with you. She may decide to stick around, or she may decide you're not the one for her. I think if you back off and allow her the time she needs to get things figured out, it would go a long way toward perhaps convincing her that you two have a good relationship and should stay together. Telling her to stop being negative or strong-willed is just going to push her farther away. You can take this time to look at your own actions and see where you might need some changes too. Good luck.
Its very hard because my family liked her, when I let my family hear the news they were really upset and they just told me to move on and gave me a lot of support. She lost not only a great boyfriend but her best friend ever I think that's what hurt her most.

She was using excuses like "I think I am not good enough for you" because of the things we went through like the whole belly button ring and me telling her I think going back to school would be best for her.

I know she didn't want to hear it but I was telling her as a friend not a controlling boyfriend. She doesnt go to school and works 2 jobs a day every day of the week and I hated seeing her suffer and I told her as a friend that the best choice would be going to school and if she needed help picking out a college or a major on what ever choices ill be there for her (when we were dating) and she felt like I was trying to control her when infact I wasn't trying to I was just trying to be her friend. I was tired of seeing her miserable working 2 jobs at minimum wage and her managers taking advantage of her.

Well she lost everything and now she can go have fun with some one with less security who she use to complain to me about when we first started dating.

Thanks everyone, I feel a lot better.





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