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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


He's more than an angry person, he's already abusing you. Forcing you to drive with him until dawn and not letting you get out of the car? That's a hostage situation. That is crazy. No one, not even if he's been married to you for a hundred years, has a right to hold you against your will.

Please take the advice of everyone here and get out while you can, because it's only going to get worse. This is a textbook case of abuse, and you might be going through traumatic bonding. The worse he treats you, the closer the two of you may feel. Abuse is emotionally intense and draining, and against all sense, can bring people together. The more he controls you, the more you're going to doubt yourself and trust him instead, until you don't know up from down, and he's going to be just as dependent on having you around.

Abusers act nice. They almost always do, especially after abusing. They've relieved their tension, like finishing a marathon or good sex. They're spent and they feel good, and they've been assured they're in control of you. They may even feel so calm and, yes, even guilty about what they've done, that they honestly think they will never do it again, but the cycle always continues. The tension will build again, and you'll be the target.

As you've seen, they're often "nice" people, or at least their friends think so. They are very selective about who they mistreat. They'll only dare show their true colors to someone they feel they are entitled to control and hurt.

And this guy sounds like he feels entitled, and he's shown himself to be controlling and specific about who he hurts. Please leave, before the two of you become embroiled in this further and it gets too difficult.





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