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Relationship Health Message Board


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SincerelyC I f you feel your boyfriend can be dangerous , really leave him , donít hesitate , and
find someone balance after . Donít put yourself into danger , leave , chose a good life .
But if you feel itís not that bad , and you feel you can often communicate with him , if he is
aware of his behavior ,then read my post


The problem i think , is that your friend has not enough social life ,not enough friends at this
time .

I tell you a story that Ďs happen to a friend .

Me and 4 friends all boys , in our twenties . During 6 years we have spent most our week end
and holiday together .
Generally we met 2 times a week , the 5 of us , in a bar or at home . a good ten hours a week
together .
6 years , going out , for a chat , disco on Saturday night , every bank holiday we took one car ,
and went for a camping and mountain hiking or something . sometimes visiting new cities center
in other countries . Or we went to rock concert music ....

So this friend and for of us had a vivid leisure life . We were often talking joking with people
outside the family circle or wok circle .

This friend was completely balanced at this time . He never get angry or suddenly shouting for
no reasons .

And you have already guessed what happen .
After thinks have changed , he get married , and after his work he did always the same , coming
home eating ,watching TV ,sleep .
he didnít go out with us any more, or anyone else ,he didnít chat with friends during hours
anymore , he didnít joke with friends the week end anymore . Just stayed with the family , close
himself in the house .

Then you have guessed what happen .
He get often angry . For no reasons , a little problem , nothing , he was yelling in house blaming
his wife or his children .
Generally once or Twice a week , two evening a week , it was yelling , bad mood in the house .
He and his wife told me .

i m quite sure that no social life , no friends ,lead to this behavior .
I have met people like scientists that know a lot about how the human work , they told me thatís
an important reason of arguing ,for no reasons .

I hope it will help you , may be suggest him ? . If he has a passion , moto bikes or computer or
what he likes , may be tell him to do it with other peoples . Find a way .
After one week or two chatting with friends laughing , he will get completely happy at home .
According to the Bureau of Justice statistics taken from 1975 through 2005, 30% of women murdered were killed by their husband or boyfriend. Only 5% of male murder victims were murdered by their wife or girlfriend. Definitely not a fad.

Batterers are usually psychologically normal (not mentally ill or otherwise much distinguishable from a "regular" guy) and have normal social lives.
[QUOTE=Lysander;4097540]According to the Bureau of Justice statistics taken from 1975 through 2005, 30% of women murdered were killed by their husband or boyfriend. Only 5% of male murder victims were murdered by their wife or girlfriend. Definitely not a fad.

Batterers are usually psychologically normal (not mentally ill or otherwise much distinguishable from a "regular" guy) and have normal social lives.[/QUOTE]

Yup, depending on who's statistics you look at, anywhere from 3 to 10 women are murdered by a husband or lover every single day in the US.

I agree with Red as well. You will not get personal power by trying to out-shout your abuser. You get real power by not putting up with being abused at all. By simply not taking it, by walking away.
I live in Europe and this is NOT an outdated fad that lasted 5 years. This is a serious problem that has been acknowledged for 30+ years. No-one should be shouted at, slapped, punched, forced against their will to do anything. If this was an outdated fad why do we still have shelters where abused women can escape nasty bullies like this.

Women do not get abused and/or killed by their partner because of something they have done wrong. They get abused because the partner cannot control his emotions/actions, or believes he has the right to do whatever he wants.

SincerelyC, this is not normal. Even the worst abuser can be nice after the abuse once they've taken their frustrations out on you. Do you want to spend the rest of your life always on edge worrying when the next outburst will come? Do you want to bring children into this and have them growing up thinking this is normal and possibly suffering the same abuse from their father?

Keeping yourself looking nice, him having a social life and you shouting back will not help. This is how he is. You cannot change him. You need to leave before it gets any worse.





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