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[QUOTE=writeleft;4096262]It sounds to me like there are deeper problems, than simply menopause. Menopause is a wacky time, I am there right now...but to cause a woman to withdraw, drink, gain weight, and being severely depressed, is a different story.

How does she handle the rest of her personal care? By ignoring or avoiding something as normal as menopause, that is a problem. With so much information and support out there for women, and having such an understanding man like you...she is lucky!

I think your wife is need of a good physical to start with. She simply is not well, and help is available.

She also needs a reality check! I would sit her down, and gently explain your concerns, just as you did here. If she refuses to make a few steps toward resolving these issues, I would have to think long and hard if you can live with a woman who takes no responsibility for herself in theirs relationship with you.

Did you know her well before you got married? Maybe she has had issues before you married.[/QUOTE]

Hi WriteLeft,

Actually I thing one is manifesting the other. I knew before we really started to seriously date that she had had bouts of depression and anxiety in her past. I knew she has been on Paxil for many years and that wasn't an issue for me, still isn't. What I think is happening (and as she like to say "I'm no doctor") is that the hormonal imbalance is making the Paxil less effective and as a result is starting to bring out other things. Also, given this period she's in I also think the side effects of this particular anti-depressant are playing a greater part. On the other hand, I haven't ruled out the possibility of some form of BPD. She has a daughter who is diagnosed Bi-Polar and given the nature of it possibly being genetic, I can't rule out that it runs on her side. But, if I had to choose which path I'd work on first, it'd be the menopause side. From what I've read, there is a strong possibility that balancing her hormones could have a positive effect on her mental state. Other than that, she takes great pride in how she takes care of herself. I know her weight gain is really bothering her, but as I've mentioned before, she's doing little to change that.

Believe me, after 2 solid years of trying, I'm not sure I'm going to succeed. But, I'm still not quite ready to surrender.

A complete physical and reality check. Damn straight she needs that. She's been to her primary and specialist a couple of times over the last couple of years for issues that if she would connect the 2 (i.e. irregular/heavy periods, ovarian discomfort caused by cysts, sore and tender breasts) and had talked to them in greater depth, I may not be having this conversation.

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