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Relationship Health Message Board


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It sounds like a sexual, romantic attraction to him was a big part of your friendship with this guy. I must say, your post seems a bit unclear. I don't really understand what you mean by saying you are happily married but would have considered being with him if it would have made him happy? I'm not quite understanding that point. Are you saying you would have cheated on your husband with him, or even left your husband to be with him, if that's what would have made him happy? And now you're kind of feeling upset because he decided that's not what he wanted? That he decided you weren't what would make him happy? IF not, sorry I misunderstood. If so, well, I dont' mean to sound too judgmental, but making him happy [I]that way[/I] is not really your job. Making your husband happy in that way is. If you don't want that job anymore, then that's between you and your husband and has nothing to do with this guy. But you said you're happily married. Hence my rather serious confusion on this point. Sorry, not trying to be a nudge, just trying to understand.

It seems you feel like he rejected you. he took another lover instead of you and you feel rejected. But you have a husband to be concerned with, so I would say you'd be better off directing your energy toward your marriage, communicating, making your marriage better and stronger and happier than worrying about what this guy is doing with his love life. It's his life, and his mistakes to make. As his friend, if you think he's making a mistake, all you can do is support him and pick up the pieces when it comes crashing down. And if it doesn't come crashing down, then be happy for him, and be happy that he's happy. If you can't do that, then it's either a little more, or a little less, than a friendship.

Actually, I think his pulling away from his connection with you is a good thing, for you as well. Getting some space and some time away from him will help you get a better perspective on the situation. It sort of sounds like you have a crush on him, and some time away from him might be just what you need to get over the crush part of your relationship with him, since pursuing or nurturing this crush really could NOT lead anywhere good or positive in the long run, I don't think.





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