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Relationship Health Message Board

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janet, you are free to live the rest of your life that way, if you want. I have made very similar statements in the past. . . . . . the very recent past, actually. I've had failed relationship after failed relationship. . . . and any "girls taking a notice of me" is a rare thing. Painfully rare. So, I made the same statement, not that long ago, that I was just going to focus on myself and not work towards any more relationships, . . . because they all HAVE ended in a "ripped out heart", and it is THE most unpleasant thing. I would rather take a broken bone over a broken heart (funny story for a later time, as I had both at the same time).

The thought of another relationship, or rather attempting another relationship sends chills down my spine of the potential horror that may happen again. . . . . . . . . . but, at the same time, I know that I won't be FULLY fulfilled as a single person. You may be able to, and if that's the case, then I hope the best for you. Others have gone before you and live a happy life. However, . . . you should never limit your life based upon "bad instances". If you really want to eventually be with someone, then you have to keep getting back up on the horse, otherwise, you run the risk of your life being "okay", . . but . . . hollow.

So, what I say to you, I say to myself as well. IF you can be happy in singleness, then be the best damn single person you can be, enjoying life to that fullness. If you can't be that person, . . . then strive for a true relationship. Love yourself in the "in between", and wait for the guy who will know how to treat [and respect] you. There are guys out there that won't let you down . . . . . . . .well, not most of the time, anyway. ;)

You may have to have a talk with him, but only to find out what is going on. It doesn't seem like you got any specific reasons. But I agree that you are well within your rights to not accept a "friendship" if that's not where you are at. I had a recent broken relationship where she cared about me and wanted to be "friends", . . . but when the person on the other end of that sees the person beyond "friendship", . . . it doesn't work. I COULD have been her friend, but SOON (yeah, soon) after the breakup, I saw her kissing another guy before getting into his car. You can read whatever you want into that. But, there would have been NO way I could have continued being her "friend" while she was dating some other guy, seeing them together, . . .maybe her talking about "how wonderful he is". . . . . . .NO freakin way!

You know, janet, there is a song [that I like] that talks about this sort of thing. It says, "...if you love me, you would be here with me. If you want me, come find me. Make up your mind." The singer eventually ends the song with, "Don't lie to me, just get your things. I've made up your mind." The truth is, if someone is with you, they will be with you, . . . and if they just want you around "as a friend", because of some sort of guilt, then you make up their mind for them and never speak to them again. . . . .unless you come to a place where you no longer see that person AS someone you love (which doesn't happen very often).

Anyway, you probably should talk to him to find out where he stands, and possibly "say goodbye". It will feel like a kick in the gut, but you will eventually get over it. Just don't give up on love yet. You may find yourself surprised, one day.


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