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Relationship Health Message Board

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I don't think divorce is as simple as some people make it out. I think it varies from country to country, culture to culture, personal situation to situation.

I have seen a documantry and read a number of articles about wealthy American men refusing a divorce to their wife. If the divorce actually went through he has managed somehow to ensure the wife gets nothing or minimal. There were women who had to run away from home and they lived in their car. These were wealthy women too, but they didn't work, had no bank account as their wealthy husband controlled everything. I think this report was even on the 60 Minutes show some years ago.

I also notice that Lady Ga Ga is in Malaysia. I'm not sure how divorce works in the Asian countries, but do work with a lady who stated that she had to stay with her husband until her children were out of school as they would have been ostracized by the rest of the school community if their mother was a divorcee due to religious reasons.

In my own country divorce is common, but i have a friend who divorced back in the 1980's and her husband made certain that she didn't get more than 20% and he didn't pay her anything for the children, as in maintenance. He organised someone to take a photo of her divorce lawyer and they sent him a photo with his ears cut out, saying that if his wife managed to get more than 20% out of the divorce proceedings that he would look good without his ears. Sort of like a mafia type thing. He also had someone lined up to end her life. Now this surprises me as you would think once she was out of his life he'd simply be relieved as he used physical, verbal and emotional voilence towards her and didn't love her. In her case she thought divorce was the answer but she nearly ended up losing her life.

As for kids, i don't have kids but don't know how i'd react if my child looked me in the eyes and pleaded me not to break up the marriage because he didn't want to be without a dad. It would be such a hard thing to do. Some parents will make the parent/child relationship even more special so that the parent who wants to leave ends up looking bad in the childs eye. A lot of people can game play when it comes to divorce and some mothers and fathers have even turned the children against the other spouse to the point the children don't want contact with that parent.

I don't know how old your children are before they can make decisions for themselves, but if it's not too far off maybe you can hang in there.

I can understand totally how the love can be lost when someone abuses you physically/mentally/emotionally and doesn't respect you and/or controls you. Sometimes even when they start treating you well it's impossible to go back to where you once were.

The decision is yours and yours alone and you know best what can or can't be done. If you do decide to stay you will have a lot to think about as the years can be long.

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