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[QUOTE=Tubular;4110360]I don't know why I seem to fall for jealous, controlling, etc, women. What usually happens is I become very attracted to her, and then we go out on a few dates, everything is great...I start falling for her, and then she shows her true colors a month or so in. By that time I'm hooked and I think "we can work it out." But it never does work out, and then I am left resentful that I cannot pursue my hobbies and have a loving relationship at the same time.

Every girl I've seriously dated has had a problem with my hobbies. Every girl I've had a serious relationship with has thought I'm a ladies man and has worried about me going out with my friends for fear of other women talking to me.

I just want someone who trusts me fully, and loves me fully, without putting stipulations on everything.[/QUOTE]

I agree with Red, how about dating a woman who shares your hobbies?

Perhaps there could be a few things at work here. Perhaps for some reason you tend to attract or be attracted to women who are controlling and insecure, but perhaps there is also something about the way you conduct yourself in relationships that might make some women feel you are a "player" of sorts. NOw bear with me, I'm just speculating at this point since I know very little about your particular situation, just trying to see it from all sides. But if MANY women you date end up feeling put on the back burner, the common denominator is you, and I think that should be taken into consideration. Now, I don't think you were wrong in breaking up with this last woman. I'm sorry it came to that, but this woman had serious issues that I really hope she gets help for.

From what you say, you sound like you're pretty fit and rather good looking. Unfortunately in this day and age, commitment, fidelity and loyalty are just not in a lot of men's vocabularies anymore. Perhaps these women are shell shocked, have been cheated on multiple times and are burned and gun shy, and therefore insecure and untrusting of men in general, and specifically in a man who is really good looking with a lot going on who could have any woman he wants. It really is a shame, the state of love and relationships in our society these days, but perhaps you just need to make more of an effort to make a woman feel special and loved, well, when you get to the point of talking about love.

It's going to be tricky for a while for you I think, trying to find that fine line to walk between being a good, attentive, loyal, trustworthy boyfriend, and not crossing over into being manipulated, controlled, etc etc etc. It's really a line all of us have to learn to walk in some for or other. It's hard.

But I think maybe you can start with asking yourself a few simple questions...

Am I ready to be in a real, commited relationship?
Do I want to make a relationship a priority?
Do I always, or mostly, put my buddies, my hobbies, above my lady and her wants and needs?
Am I truly comfortable and secure in who, what and where I am in life?
Do I really want love? Not just companionship or sex for a while, but LOVE? And what am I willing and not willing to sacrifice to get and keep it?

Of course in a serious relationship you have to be prepared to put that other person first sometimes. And you can't live your life like you do when you're single. Sometimes the boys have to take a back seat to your lady. And you really just can't devote AS much time to hobbies when you're in a relationship as you can when you're single. You shouldn't be expected to give up the things you love, but it's about striking a balance. You have to be available to spend quality time with a significant other. How much time do you usually spend on your hobbies? All weekend long every weekend? A few nights a week? A few hours a weekend? Every night from quitting time to bed time? You may need to re-evaluate that, I don't know. The trick is to be vunerable and let someone in, make room for someone in your life, and find that someone who won't abuse or take advantage of that. It's hard I know!! It can really suck!! But it's a process. I wish you luck on your journey in life and finding love.





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