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Relationship Health Message Board

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I remember your earlier posts, and I am still of the opinion that you have such strong feelings for these men because your boyfriend is just not the right guy for you. But for some reason you want to stay with him anyway. So...

Their feelings are their own and you cannot control them, so no, I don't believe there is anything you can do to "soothe" their feelings. If you were truly their friend, you'd want to see them happy, right? Which means, if they found a nice girl to go out with who got their minds off you, that would be a good thing. Not sure why you would get jealous of that if you really don't reciprocate their feelings and don't want them thinking of you romantically. I agree, encourage them to find and date other women, and then be very supportive of it and be very nice and friendly to the women they date and tell them how great she/they are. AND don't lead them on, unconsciously or otherwise. Do NOT do or say anything to or with these guys that you wouldn't do or say with your boyfriend standing right there. If Matt, for example, likes putting his arm around your waist or holding your hand, if you wouldn't let him do it with your boyfriend watching, then don't let him do it even when your boyfriend is not around. Draw very strict, firm boundaries and stick to them. If you don't, you'll be sending a very clear signal to them - "I SAY I love my boyfriend, but I let you do things when he's not around that you couldn't get away with with him standing right there, so we DO kind of have something going on the sly, and if you keep at it, maybe it could grow." If you truly, honestly don't WANT to send that message, then don't. Keep it proper and appropriate and imagine your boyfriend sitting right there watching whenever you are with these guys. You've chosen your boyfriend, so you've chosen to be fair, faithful and respectful to him. And whenever these guys say or imply they would like more than friendship, remind them that it is platonic, and JUST FRIENDS and if they are not ok with that, then you will have to cut them out of your life. And you must be prepared to do that if it comes to that.

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