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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

It seems to me that you love this guy for who you hope he'll be someday, not really for who he is right now. Who he is right now is a problem. And loving someone for who you hope they'll be someday is never a very good idea, always risking and hardly ever turns out the way you want.

I'm not going to tell you to break up with him either, but it does seem as though you are putting his needs way above your own. Maybe it's a little thrill for you, to play the Florence Nightingale thing, and feel like you're being his savior. But you can't save, fix, change, heal or love someone into loving you. And I'm sure he doesn't really find much more pleasure in being your project than you feel in making him your project. Don't you think at some point, if he's going to love anyone, he's going to love someone who is completely happy and satisfied with him as he is, and not someone who is always trying to "fix" him? The bottom line is, if he isn't good solid boyfriend material, you can't MAKE him boyfriend material. He has to want to become boyfriend material, for himself, not just for you. And you don't really have any control over whether or not he will decide to do that.

While he's over there having fun, I think you should have some fun, too. Get to know some new people and get a better sense of what you're looking for and what makes YOU happy.

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