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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

You're absolutely correct. "Time heals wounds, but not scars". Your bf is always going to be hurt by what happened, that's natural after a repeated traumatic occurence. That's why he MUST have some type of intervention.

No, he's not a typical 'normal' guy. You must ask yourself, is that what you want? A regular guy? Of course you probably do.

If my memory serves me correctly, depression does/can have a hereditary link. Based on what you've said of his siblings and parents, he's at high risk, since it's prevalent in his immediate family. It seems very likely that he has it. But being diagnosed by a doctor is necessary, just to confirm everyone's hunch. It's a 'sensitive subject' for many people, so him blowing it off is not a surprise to me. Alot of folks, especially men, do not like to admitt that they need help.

Is his mom getting help for her depression? You say your bf and her and very close, so odds are that if she is not, then he will probably think he doesn't need it either. He probably figures that she's ok and functioning ok, so he thinks he'll be fine too. I disagree. Let me tell you, the law of attraction applies to everything in life. If your bf believes that treatment won't help and talking to someone won't help, then guess what? It won't. His pessimism and negative attitude will prevent the results you crave. I realize that the meds he took before, he claims did nothing, but there are other different meds that might be better suited. People respond differently to different anti-depressants/medications. Some work for others, some don't. A doctor can assist in finding the right one. However, from what you say, your bf is not interested in that.

I'm not telling you to break up with him. That's obviously up to you. You just have to decide if the pros outweigh the cons. The relationship between you two can NEVER be 100% healthy until he gets help. That's simply a fact.

Personally, I would move on. Find someone else who is stable and ready to give you everything that you need. I know you deeply care for him and like him. He probably feels the same. It's not you, you have nothing to do with it, because he was depressed before you came into his life, and he would remain depressed even if you decided to leave. But for me, this would be too much. I would be willing to go through this with my husband if it came to it, no doubt, we made vows and promises to each other. But for a mere boyfriend when you're both so young? That's another story. There will be other guys that come along that you will like too. He is not the last Hershey's kiss.

In order to become the boyfriend of your dreams, he has to get professional help. Heck, if he could completely change without help, then he would have already done so. And if he knew that secret, he could share it and put hundreds of thousands of specialists/psychologist out of business!!! He needs it. And he has to want it. He's the only one who can make that choice.

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