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Relationship Health Message Board

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D31, I'm sorry you are going through this. But as hard as it may be, you mustn't take it personally. I know it feels like the most personal thing in the world, but I totally agree with the poster who said there's just no use in driving yourself crazy in going over it and over it in your mind wondering what you did. I think in any relationship, we make mistakes and we can learn from them, but beyond that, use the experience and move on.

I've had the same thing happen to me .I dated a guy for two years who I thought was the sweetest guy in the world, most of the time, and believed he loved me. He told me he did. He told me he was so glad he found me and was so proud to be with me. The next week, he was unhappy with me and siad "I don't want to do this anymore." I was stupid and naive enough to not know what he meant by that. I said I know how I feel about you. He still have some things to work out, but I'm in it for the long haul so if you want me to go away, you're going to have to tell me. Let's sleep on it, call me tomorrow and tell me what you want to do so I'm not hanging. Didn't hear from him. I called him, he didn't answer. I left a message saying just let me know. He called me late the next night saying "well, when I didn't return your call yesterday I thought you would have gotten the message." I pulled the weepy "But you said you loved me!!!" thing and he said "well, I thought I did but I was wrong." And that was it.

It may not e politically correct to say, but I really believe men are just hardwired differently from women. They display and process emotions differently than we do. Most of them really don't see anything wrong with lying to the woman they are sleeping with, telling her "I love you" when they know in their heart they don't. They lie and use and think nothing of it, and don't think they have to apologize at all for the pain they cause. My ex pulled all the typical "man" stuff. Didn't have the guts to end it with me when he was tired of me so he got mean, distant, verbally abusive to make me go away. He played in a band and he claimed "uh, I don't know where we're playing this weekend, they didn't ell me yet. I'll call you later and tell you." 7pm Friday rolls around, no call. I call him, voice mail. So he's out there somewhere rocking out and having a blast with bar bimbos gyrating their wallies and hoo haas in his face, and here I am sitting home alone like a jerk not even knowing where he is, because he didn't want me to know. I admit it now, I was really really stupid. But I'm not stupid anymore. It's a learning experience.

Maybe he really did think he was in love, maybe he just wanted to be, maybe he was just bored and horny. Who knows. Who cares? It took me a long long time to finally see that relationship that was SOOO important to me in proper perspective, that it wasn't what I thought it was, I was looking at it through lovey dovey rose colored glasses because I wanted to believe I had finally found love. It's hard, but hang tough. You'll be much tougher, smarter and stronger the next time around. Adn you'll waste much less time with the lying losers who are just using you, and that will free you up to meet the guy out there who will treat you like you deserve to be treated.

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