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Long story short, my husband and I were given a cruise last Christmas and we are going with his family (26 of us, including kids) next week. My husband and I haven't had any money for a really long time. He runs his own business which hasn't done well since day 1 for the last 5 years and we've borrowed $$ from every family member and taken out so many loans just to keep it running that we are POOR! I do daycare out of our home and the economy has left me in a slump as well.
Anyways, my husband deals with depression ( never been diagnosed and won't admit he's depressed but I KNOW he is) we don't have any friends that we hang out with EVER because my husband doesn't like people but I do and so he is telling me he doesn't want me bossing him about what we're going to do while on our cruise. He just wants to read a book if he wants, or sleep when he wants without me telling him where we should go, etc. I want to do things and I'm way more social than he is and so I told him I won't bug you but me and the kids are going to do things on our cruise.
I'm wondering if he's being selfish by not wanting to hang out with us or am I for telling him what we should do as a family to make it fun for our kids? Who does this?? Tells their family to leave them alone and not bug them about anything while on vacation? He's not a trip alone, he's with his family! I think he is being very selfish and maybe I shouldn't spend any time with him if thats the way he wants it.

Help, what is your opinnion on this? Am I being selfish for wanting him to spend time with us or is he for wanting to be left alone?
I think you are right about the thought of him being depressed. I go on vacation JUST to spend time with my family. Does he just not want to spend time with "his" family (since 26 is a whole lot of family at one time) or everyone? Personally I wouldn't enjoy doing much with my whole family at one time because they would get on my nerves. I would however jump at the chance to spend quality time with my wife and kids.

I would never think asking your husband to spend time with you and your children on vacation are selfish. Try and develop a compromise though because some down time for him to relax could be beneficial but not to the extent that he alienates you.
I don't think it's a case of either of you being selfish. I think you are just 2 different people with 2 different thought patterns on this.

As a business owner in this economy, I can certainly understand him being depressed and wanting to be alone with his thoughts, especially considering the number of family members that will be there. I do think though, that after a day or so, the relaxation will help ease the tension he's been burdened with for so long and he will want to join you and the kids for activities. If at all possible treat him to a massage a day or two before the trip.

I wouldn't push it though if that doesn't happen. In his mind he already feel like he's failing his family. Complaining about him not spending time with you on vacation in his mind will just be another failure to him.
I think you have to ask yourself what's worse: forcing him to hang out with you and the kids knowing he will do nothing but pout and scowl and ruin your good time, OR go hang out with the kids alone have a great time and let him pout alone by himself? Personally, I wouldn't want him around harshing my mellow, so I'd leave him in the cabin or whatever and go have fun. It's a cruise ship, its not like you guys can go very far.

I say just let him be and do your thing. It sounds like he isn't interested in having a good time. So don't push him.
Part of being depressed is being unable to visualize yourself having a happy time. Let him be until you are on the ship, then encourage him to sample some of the fun. His whole family will be there, surely you will have plenty of help in getting him out of his shell. Even if he is being churlish and unwilling, it will be very hard for him to snub all the relatives, especially as his family is forking out for the trip. Cheers, Sera
No, that doesn't really make sense: going on a cruise and wanting to be left alone, reading a book or sleeping? Then, it would be better for him to stay at home... By the way, is he really depressed or ... a hater of mankind?

Yes, I think he is being selfish and if you allow me, somewhat contradictory. To be among the crowd and to demand to be ignored? Come on. It would be wiser of him to be on both sides: 50% or a little more of the time he would read his books and sleep; 50% or a little less of the time he would socialize or at least allow himself to be carried along. This is his "duty" with his family.

Anyway, I don't think you can force him to do anything. I am sorry, but I am afraid you have to leave him alone. Probably he will regret this later, even if he doesn't admit it publicly.





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