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Relationship Health Message Board


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Yes, I think your boyfriend is somewhat awkward with his words. I also feel that he wants to say more to you, but perhaps he feels that the level of intimacy between you and him doesn't allow him to do it. I don't know if he is controlling, but he seems to think he is above you and everyone else for that matter in terms of discipline and self-control. He has a very high opinion of himself and usually doesn't depend on the feedback from other people. I think this is a little embarrassing for you, as if he were making himself inacessible. He also comes across as a perfectionist, but I could be wrong.

As for you, yes, I think you are a sensitive and emotional person, whereas your bf seems to be more rational. In a couple, differences are usually welcome, as long as they aren't too big so there'll be more friction than empathy.

It would help if he chose to expose his thoughts more clearly and in more thoughtful manners, and it would help if you didn't take all his remarks too personally, although you shouldn't allow resentment to build up. I think both of you need some patience to deal with each other. Can you do that? Can you manage to be patient without giving up the joy of being together?

As for bromances, well, yes, we males need them, lol. It is a natural thing, but it seems that in this case he put his buddy in the first place, unless the other guy would be driving you to the camping site and without his car you have no other ways of reaching there. I think you are entitled to question why the camping weekend was put off and you were left with a bitter smile on your face.

Oh, no, I don't think you are crazy at all, either. Actually, you express yourself very well, which crazy people usually don't.
Yeah... he says he likes to take things slow. He does talk to me every single day and spend a lot of time with me. I know I'm needy and covertly demanding. He also is not the best communicator, and I like to talk about EVERYTHING. It's either the intimacy is moving too fast for him, as we've only been dating for two months and that's his longest relationship, or he is going to turn out to be chronically unable to be intimate. I can't tell yet, and I don't know how long I'm willing to wait to "figure him out". I wish I could just chill more and enjoy what we have, because it is mostly good. I just have the feeling that he is only comfortable being in the driver's seat and having all the control in the relationship to avoid feelings of vulnerability. Meanwhile, I always feel vulnerable and like I'm asking too much of him. It's hard because all of this stuff is very, very subtle. He never says anything that shows he is trying to control me. I've just noticed that when I am in contact with him a lot, he kind of backs off, but when I don't text him for a day, he is always texting me, and it feels like it's to make sure I'm still there. I think too much, but these are just my intuitions.
Like I said, it depends on you and what you need. For me it works fine. Of course everything has a limit, I'm not saying that I would rather be with a jerk, but I like honesty myself with sugar toppings. I want to hear it the way it is. You know when we are going out and we ask them how do we look or whatever, I appreciate him telling me once in a while that he doesn't like what I am wearing, even make jokes about it at the moment. I don't get upset.
I must say it takes a while to get to that point though. Now I am old and confident enough to want a man's opinion without getting upset if I don't like what I hear. If my husband snaps once in a while, doesn't mean that he doesn't love me, or that he is trying to control me or whatever..he is just having a bad day or whatever. As long as its not something very offensive I let it go and don't even talk about it. Eventually he will come and say he is sorry for snapping, and I try to turn it into a joke like "oh yea now you owe me so how about a massage".
Like I said, it works for me..doesn't mean that it works for everybody. One thing I know though is that we women should be confident in our self to not take everything personally and not nag over every little thing.





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