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Relationship Health Message Board


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So recently me and my girlfriend of two years broke up, we're still best friends and love each other but because of the distance thats been put between us she felt it wasn't working very well. Add to that the fact that I've been going to college for three years now and have lived off campus since I started, plus my shy/not so outgoing personality and you get a 22 year old guy that has only one friend and its someone I'm not even super close with.

Now that my exgirlfriend isn't around anymore I don't really have anyone to hang out with or talk to during the rare occasions I have free time. Not wanting to be lonely, I've started to make a heavy push towards becoming friends with people.

This past Halloween I went to this giant party (900+ people) with my "not so close friend" and by strange coincidence I met two girls separately who happened to be friends with each other. We seemed to click well and both girls said I seemed like a really nice really cool person and after the party both made the effort to get in contact with me. Seeing this as my opportunity to make friends I made sure to keep in contact with them myself and have been trying to talk to them on a somewhat regular basis since. One of the girls (Girl A) made more of an effort to hang out than the other (Girl B) and since the party we've hung out once. Since that night I've asked her if she wanted to hang out several times and because of the luck I have there always seems to be some sort of schedule conflict or other uncontrollable forces that have prevented us from doing so, but now I've started to feel like I've asked her enough times and I don't want to get annoying. Every time I have asked Girl A if she wants to hang out she says we'll have to soon but then since Halloween she's only asked me to hang out once. Its starting to feel like I'm getting to be this annoying guy that won't leave someone alone.

Then a couple nights ago I went to a small house party with my "not so close" friend and Girl B was there as well as some other girls I met when I hung out with Girl A after halloween (confusing?). After talking for a little bit with my friend and a couple other people another girl I sorta knew asked if me and two other guys if we wanted to go with her somewhere so she didn't have to go alone. We all said yes and went off on a little driving adventure. After we got back everyone was ready to call it quits and went home, but before I left this one girl I met when I hung out with Girl A goes and gives me a hug and something along the lines of hopefully we can hang out more, mind you this is a girl were the first time I met her she was around me for about an hour before she passed out so we don't really know each other that well. I just realized there are a lot of girls in that paragraph, I promise I didn't meet that many on purpose ive just been finding it easier to make friends with girls lately. And the fact that all these parties have had a Girl:Guy ration of 4 to 1 helps too.

Okay, if you're still with me in short I have three problems.

1. How can I keep asking any of these people that i've met if they want to hang out without seeming annoying or needy? I really don't want to scare any of them away, but I also want to make an effort to at least try to become friends.

2. Is it just me or is it harder to make friends with people that already have this group of really close friends? What I'm getting at is that I would love to hang out with any of these people that i've met but I feel like they would choose their close friends over me any day. I know I could just hang out with my new friend plus their group of friends and meet more people that way, but I'm not the type of person that can just invite myself places, I hate doing that. I need an invite to feel comfortable somewhere, especially if its a strangers house.

3. I recently found out that people seem to not think I have fun when I go out and hang out with a bunch of people when in fact its just because I'm quiet around large groups of people I'm not familiar with. This new group of friends I seem to have made are all nearly the opposite of how I am, almost all of them drink a lot and while drink seem to chain smoke like the dickens. Not really having many friends and realizing despite their few faults they're all pretty cool people, so I'm trying to put up with it. I'm just afraid that because of how quiet I can get and the fact that I don't smoke and only drink occasionally might lead these people to believe I'm not having fun.

(in case there was confusion there are two girls. Girl A is the one i've hung out with. Girl B i've just talked to a few times and says we should hang out all the time, but then neither of us make any effort to make that happen. I feel I annoy Girl B more so than Girl A)





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