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Relationship Health Message Board

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Nov 28, 2009

I am so frustrated with the way my wife treats me. We are married for about 18 years and she still blames me for having found her friend from 18 years ago attractive. Is that normal? Never anything happened between me and that woman. I did not let her know in any way that I thought that she was attractive.

We have no contact with that woman since 16 years. But my wife keeps going on and on and on about tiny things like that I once asked her whether she had a cold or that she like jazz like I did at the time or that I liked her haircut (I like some other haircuts better, but my wife does not believe me.) I can't even remember any of these incidences, but my wife does. 18 years ago!!!!!.

She told me recently that she will never in her life forgive me for finding her friend attractive.

And she is jealous of virtually any other woman that ever crossed my path, whether that is an attractive work colleague I closely worked with for a while, the 70 year old neighbour or the 10 year old daughter of our friend. She is even jealous at my male friends.

I try to avoid contact with women now altogether. We recently hired some staff and I made sure that none of the women got the job although they were better suited because I knew it would just end in her tantrums again.

Her outbursts happen absolutely at random and then she is completely irrational. I have to try to make up until she calms down, but after a few weeks she starts again, completely out of the blue.

We used to have a good sexual relationship , although I almost always have to initiate it. But since recently she purposely makes me feel how much she hates me even while and after we are making love. It makes me feel like S***. I told her that, and now she now thinks that I never enjoyed sex with her. This is so completely screwed up logic.

She told me a while ago that she believes our relationship will only last another 5 years, and that her mother thought anyway that our marriage would not last.

There is no trust from her, no matter what I tell her. She simply ignores what I say and believes her twisted ideas. Recently I sent her a web page with cooking recipes which had won an website award. Now she thinks that I complain that her cooking is bad and no matter how often I tell her that's not the case, she still believes that I am complaining about her cooking. Some weeks ago I did not finish my plate of rice because I had some food beforehand and at once she was convinced that I don't like rice and she makes up stories that I complained to my work colleagues that she cook rice too often. I like rice but no matter what I say, she will not change her mind.

The irony is that she is the one who actually cheated on me. She had a boyfriend until briefly before we got married and she never told me about him until I found out years later when after a big fight she had started contacting him again and even sent him presents, until his wife found out.

Constantly she makes comments implying that we don't have enough money, but when I mention money she falls into a rage saying that I am complaining that she does not work and earn any money.

I am loosing the energy to constantly having to try to proof that I believe this relationship can work. Whatever I say or do - she interprets it as something against her. Her constant mistrust and accusations are just getting too much.

Is this how other women treat their husbands? Do I have to constantly give in and apologise for the rest of my life for things she thinks I did just to keep this relationship working?

The president of the US gets a BJ from his intern, the Italian prime minister has mistresses all over his villa, millions of men and women are having flirts and flings all over the world and their partners forgive them, and I am blamed for nothing for the rest of my life. Why can't she just get over her fantasies and have a trusting and happy relationship with me? The short times when this is the case are really good and we are both very happy.

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