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Relationship Health Message Board


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Dig,
I'm in no way a relationship expert but I think you have some very valid concerns. It sounds to me like your gut is telling you something isnt right. I think you may have some trust and insecurity issues but hell, who doesnt?
I also think HE is failing in the boyfriend dept for the simple fact that he obviously goes out to bars without you, and is playing the communication failure card. Men dont "communicate" because they dont WANT to. Its easier for them if they dont. It sounds to me like he's putting his needs above yours and youre not comfortable with this.
What I would do is sit him down and tell him "look, these things are bothering me, theyre getting in the way of my/our happiness. If you love me, you will help me get past this." Dont beat around the bush just tell him straight up what it is you need to get past this. If you are unsure what this is, then that is what you need to work on first. What is missing? What makes you happy?
Anything that bugs you, let him know. Dont let them pile up as men are much like children and will overload. If YOU want to be happy, YOU have to take the initiative and talk about things that bother you. If he is unwilling to do this, then tell him you cant be with someone that doesnt care about your happiness.
[QUOTE=digmusic;4133840]We were watching a movie on his comp., I tried to go back a page to find what I thought were just regular movie files, and I saw a saved clip called "Best threesome ever". I kind of gagged and went outside and chain smoked. He asked if I was upset and I said yeah but I didn't feel like getting into it. He said it was old and he barely watches porn anymore and I shouldn't be upset yada yada. The truth is, it wouldn't be there if he didn't watch it. I think what bothers me most is the fact that it was a threesome. He mentioned something about that once before as a joke. It really was a joke in that he was talking about me having a threesome with him and another guy that looked like him. Anyway, I said then that I really am not into that when I'm in a relationship, and he said okay and we've never talked about it since. I guess I just worry that this is something he really fantasizes about, and also something I could never give him. I also feel like if I was "better," more attractive or better in bed I guess, that he wouldn't really feel the need to still be looking at porn when we have sex multiple times a week.

I figured he watched porn, but I never really thought about it. I didn't think it would upset me until I saw what he was actually into and saw these girls - skinny, big boobs, lots of make-up. He has mentioned before one time that he was about to have sex with a girl at a party cause she propositioned it, and he described her as bleach-blonde and lots of make-up and "gorgeous", but then he backed away cause she started talking and was annoying. I guess it bothers me that he's attracted sexually to women he would never even want to talk to. How can you want to have sex with someone that you have no respect for? I am not ugly by any means, but I don't wear much make-up or tight clothes or anything like that, and I feel like apparently that's what he's "into". So why is he with me?

Sorry for the rant. Am I overreacting? I have a feeling you guys will say yes. I don't know why, but I am experiencing feelings of jealousy, disgust, and even anger. There's no point in talking to him about it, because I guess it's not really his problem, and he'll just tell me what I wanna hear anyway.[/QUOTE]

i think that whether or not a guy has a good sex life, hes going to look at porn. i think that guys look at porn that is DIFFERENT than their sex life, and not something that they are REALLY into. i would also be upset if i saw that my boyfriend was into porn full of sterotypical females, because its like where is the attraction?! i dont think you are over reacting, but i think that maybe you should set aside the whole thing and try to talk to him about it. ask him what he enjoys from it, and why. some of people fantasys have nothing to do with something they would actually do on a normal basis. so. i think, comminication here, is the key. just ask him what he enjoys about these videos.





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