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My FIL is a nice man, loves his family, never cheated or beat his wife or children- unlike my dad, but that's another story.

I've noticed more and more the last few years that he does not contribute ANYTHING to the home. What I mean is that my MIL does ALL the cooking and cleaning and he never offers. It has gotten so bad that my SIL (their daughter) refuses to stay with them during Christmas because she has a problem too. They've talked about it and he doesn't want to change.

Well during Thanksgiving my MIL, the aunt and I were cooking. I kind of jokingly (and part serious) mentioned that the guys whould clean up since the gals cooked. My DH is WONDERFUL! He doesn't cook but he will clean up, and do the laundry (if need be) and vacuum...
So when I mentioned this after dinner my DH said "OK dad lets clean up." He replied "well now we didn't get a consensus on this... we need to take a vote here" and he sat there refused to clean up. I made my MIL rest and the aunt and I cleaned up. My DH got busy with other things.

Now Christmas is going to be at my home. My aunt said that I should enforce the guys to clean up since it's my home (I actually said earlier that we should start a tradition- that the guys clean up. How hard can it be to put dishes in the washer?!) My MIL agreed "Yeah! Make him clean up" but I'm not sure if she was serious or not. I think my MIL does want him to contribute but she cannot force him to- it's not part of her nature to be agressive (unlike me! :))

All the women in the family, including my BIL and DH does agree that FIL should be more caring and serve his wife. Sometimes during dinner he'll command (not in a mean tone though) her to get more of this or that. Some times I want to chime in and say "can you say please?"
Although the boys agree they don't think he will change; that's why they don't even bother talking to him. But the SIL has talked to him a lot over the years and because he's refusing to change she's refusing to stay with them for Christmas. She didn't even come out last Christmas!

So I guess my main question is am I being a rude/mean hostess to make the guys (including FIL) clean up after the meal? I really don't care if it becomes a tradition, but I would like to see FIL do this ONCE.

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